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DEMONSTRATION OF “FELT SHIFT” THROUGH INTUITIVE FOCUSING
The Kaleidoscope Turns and New Solutions Become Possible
Yesterday, I used Gendlin’s Focusing, (bookstore, www.focusing.org ), or my version Intuitive Focusing, to try to relieve some overwhelming “free floating anxiety” I was suddenly experiencing. I thought it was related to holiday overwhelm somehow, but nothing I told myself, and nothing I tried doing, alleviated it. So, I sat down, went quietly inside, and asked myself the Focusing Question, “What is this anxiety/overwhelm all about?”
I intended to use the specific Clearing A Space exercise to make a list of all the various issues I was carrying in a bodily-felt way, and to set each one outside of myself until I could relax and experience “Except for all of that out on the table, I am totally okay!”.
As I worked through the Clearing A space exercise, I hit upon one specific issue which seemed the “crux” of it all, where my body said, “Yes, yes, that is it! That is what is causing the anxiety!” Gendlin calls this “Ahah!” a “felt shift.” I call it a Paradigm shift: the kaleidoscope turns, the Gestalt changes, and new solutions suddenly appear.
Since that new awareness, the anxiety has disappeared, I have slept well, and, today, I find I have, without thinking about it, changed my priorities in a way which should allow me to avoid this particular anxious state again.
So, here is my Intuitive Focusing Turn, including the Clearing A Space Exercise and a “felt shift” with new action steps arising:
Okay, why am I so nervous, having an anxiety attack. So, “clearing a space” by taking an inventory of “all the things I am carrying inside” — stopping to close eyes, breath in, take this Focusing Question toward my solar plexis area, and waiting for a “felt sense,” an “intuitive feel” to form in response, then looking for words/images to capture that, instead of answering with the “already-known” in my Mind — so, breathing deeply, slowing down, Focusing inward) —
—It’s the holiday season. Focusing Discussion e-list, etc., are quieting down, yet I feel like I need to keep stirring up action, keeping my e-lists alive, blogging — perhaps I need to declare a holiday break for myself, since everyone else seems to need one as well! Setting this aside for more attention later, if needed — big sigh. (sensing in again: What else?”) Big sigh
—Speaking to my son on the phone. He always calls me when he is unhappy. Today unhappy at his job, cold working outside, lonely still being out of town, pissed off about new rules about workers logging in new “time records,” showing how they spent their time on each job, being paid only for time justified, or something like that (this is threatening to me, since it could be a way of deciding who will be laid off in these tight economic times ) —
Something teary here about how “disgruntled” he is — stopping to “sense in” to this “intuitive feel” — the words come “Somehow this will be endless, this worry about him and his job, unless I change something about the way I am or the way I am with him” — when he is employed, I still worry every minute he will lose his job — I am always worried about him.
Something teary here, and I am remembering a recent nighttime dream I had, where he and his baby had had to move out of the apartment I was providing, had to get away from me, but some woman with him had left me two glossy, healthy, very green plants, and in a very tidy way; she had “cleaned up” after them — one was a jade plant, a succulent (something teary here, so sensing in—) a succulent saves up water in its leaves for dry times, but its leaves are also very fat and lush — well, I am going to stop here with this issue, set it aside for later, and keep “clearing a space,” making my list, seeing if I can alleviate this anxiety —-
Big sigh (sensing in again, “What else am I carrying?”)
—And something sobbing about JUST HOW MUCH I AM CARRYING, too many things, not just any one thing —
—There is a huge transition with my handicapped step-daughter, trying to move her out of our home and into her own apartment, with 24-hour supervision paid by the government. She has turned 18. Let me stop and “sense into” this one –
— (sobbing here) —she is so needy, and her neediness is increasing during this transition — “Mom, who will get your Christmas ornaments when you die? Who will get your money? Can I have this? Can I have that to take with me? I’ve got to buy this and that and this and that—” (just letting myself feel “this whole thing” about M., her needs, her endless anxiety, these last few weeks, when we are exhausted already, perhaps escalating in difficulty —-
“YES,” MY WHOLE BODY SAYS, “YES, THAT IS IT!” THERE IS A “FELT SHIFT” IN THIS ANXIETY, SOME WORDS FOR IT. YES, THIS IS A BIG PART OF IT: ANXIETY ABOUT M.’S TRANSITION.
So I am just going to sit with this a little while here,”sensing into” it — Yes, I just need to acknowledge that her needs are going to consume this holiday time, and I need to remind myself that this should be the end of it, in terms of her moving out of our responsibility and to the care-giving agency (except the meeting guaranteeing state financial aid has not happened, but I must trust the agency will get this covered —) Big sigh
That is actually quite relieving of the anxiety. I am laughing and telling myself, “Kathy, plan to have your own holiday after Jan. 1, because it is not going to happen now!”
THAT IS A BIG FELT SHIFT IN THE ANXIETY. THAT IS THE MAGIC OF INTUITIVE FOCUSING — FINDING WORDS FOR EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT IS GOING ON INSIDE.
Another big breath, big sigh of tension release. The words are not particularly cheery, but way better than free-floating anxiety!
Back to “clearing a space.” I ask myself, “Is there anything else on my list of issues I am carrying in my body?” (stopping to “sense in” quietly)
—Well, the continuing saga with my son’s divorce/custody dragging on and on, and not being sure the law office is really on top of it — and any inquiry costing me much money, so — not enough reassurance that they are on top of it. Maybe I will call and say, “Please respond in some way, I’ll pay the $10-20, just to be sure you are on top of this. Tell me what the delay is.You could be on vacation for all I know!”
Going to stop here! Have to go do some things and let this “shift” about M’s needs being overwhelming during this time, and just be aware of that, not constantly surprised!
NEXT DAY: NEW ACTION STEPS AND SOLUTIONS ARISE, ANXIETY IS GONE
I slept well, woke to find myself automatically re-ordering my priorities. I found ways to decrease work-related demands over the holidays. I spent the day cleaning my house and arranging table settings for my step-daughter’s graduation party tomorrow night.
Then, I took her “hope chest” of apartment-related items out of her crowded room and spread them out under her Christmas tree. Suddenly, it had become “all right” to allow her and her needs to be the “center of attention.” Intuitive Focusing had not only relieved my anxiety but also allowed new possibilities and solutions to arise.
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Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director
Creative Edge Focusing (TM)
www.cefocusing.com
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