Posts tagged: Gendlin

CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP: CREATING LOVE THROUGH FOCUSING PARTNERSHIPS

By , December 14, 2007 2:02 pm

Love Relationships

 Perhaps there is no more important place for the use of Empathic Listening and Experiential Focusing skills than in love relationships.

When we “fall in love,” we are drawn to something in the Other that intrigues and fascinates us.  Unfortunately, as time goes by, the stresses of day-to-day living and, perhaps, specific areas of conflict with our partner, wear away that romantic, in-love feeling.  We can even come to “forget” whatever drew us to this other person in the first place, and our sexual feelings for the other can become submerged as well!!

 Exchanging Listening/Focusing Turns with our beloved, significant other can be a way of recovering the feelings of love which initially drew us together.  In Listening/Focusing turns, each person can drop the defensive layers that hide the true, inner Self from the other.  When that inner Self stands exposed, that vulnerable Inner Child becomes visible, we “fall in love” all over again, remembering who it is that really lives inside of your partner. Then, it becomes much more simple to work out the more superficial, behavior-level problems that irritate or cross us in every day life. Read more about Inner Child Empathy.

Friendships As A Way To Grow

Hopefully, we all have some friends whom we can lean on when things get hard, friends who are good listeners, who just let us have our say and don’t judge or criticize us when we are down. In these times, we don’t really want someone to try to fix us or to give us advice or opinions. We just want them to listen and support us. It is just this non-judgmental listening and total, unconditional acceptance that makes the most solid and fulfilling friendships.

It is just such friends who could form the basis of your own Listening/Focusing Community.

Furthermore, if you have stresses or misunderstandings with any of your friends, you can also use the Listening/Focusing skills to work out these conflicts and end up even closer, using the Interpersonal Focusing method. See Focusing Friendships for more on incorporating Creative Edge Focusing into your friendship network.

From Focusing Class To Focusing Support Group

The other main way of finding a Listening/Focusing Partnership or starting a Listening/Focusing Support Group is to participate in a Listening/Focusing Training Class or Workshop in your area. Then, hopefully, you can carry on in a self-help way with other participants you have met at the workshop, or join an existing Changes Group in your geographical area. Again, go to Free Resources to learn about all the available options. Find additional classes and workshops internationally at www.focusing.org .

Read more about Conscious Relationship, including the First Ten Steps to bring Listening/Focusing into your relationships.

Order our Self-Help Package and join our Creative Edge Practice E-Group for hands-on demonstrations and practice of Listening and Focusing self-help skills.

Subscribe to our Instant “Ahah”s E-Newsletter and immediately download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (Ajas Instantaneos en espanol), ten self-help practices to add to your life at home and work.

Explore using Interpersonal Focusing sessions by phone with Dr. McGuire to practice listening/focusing in sorting through relationship difficulties.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshopsDr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

ESTUDIO DE CASOS Y TESTIMONIOS

By , November 29, 2007 1:11 pm
  1. Focusing – Individualmente,  con un Entrenador de Borde Creativo o con un Terapeuta de Focusing Experiencial.

Cualquiera que sabe que Focusing Intuitivo es lo básico del Proceso de Solución de Problemas PRISMAS/S, puede usarlo en cualquier momento para dar un nuevo paso seguro, desde la tensión o confusión hasta  la  solución del problema.  Este será un nuevo “¡Ajá!”. Físicamente experimentado en su totalidad por el cuerpo, el cual asiente y relaja la tensión diciendo: “¡Sí, eso es exactamente! “, “¡Ahora puedo actuar!”

En mi ejemplo de abajo, primero uso Focusing Intuitivo por mi cuenta, luego,  generalmente, contrato la ayuda de un Escuchador Focalizado, en este caso, mi esposo.  Tengo la suerte de tener un esposo entrenado pero con él, me gusta compartir un turno igual de escucha.

Ejemplo del Caso:

Por varias semanas he estado dándole vueltas a un problema relacionado con el trabajo; he estado tensa, bloqueada, con noches sin dormir, obsesiva.  Estoy preocupada por que si tomo alguna acción me pueden demandar, pero no quiero echarme para atrás. 

He estado dando algunos pasos y  gastando dinero tratando de protegerme legalmente.  Pero la tensión, el insomnio y la obsesión continúan.  Me encuentro a mí misma imaginándome cómo  voy a defenderme en la Corte. Avanzo con esfuerzo, pero el costo es muy alto.  Todo el proyecto se ha vuelto agotador.

Finalmente, después de semanas me doy cuenta que debo  sentarme en silencio y usar Focusing Intuitivo acerca del asunto. Entonces, cierro mis ojos y sigo mi respiración por un momento a manera de relajación para llegar a un “espacio claro” y silencioso adentro— Suspiro…, dejo salir un poco la tensión…me pregunto: “Realmente ¿de qué se trata todo esto?…” Espero silenciosamente que algo nuevo aparezca…, un sentir intuitivo… o un Borde Creativo…para mí…, este Borde Creativo generalmente viene no a mi cabeza sino al centro de mi cuerpo…, alrededor de mi corazón…, a la cavidad del pecho…

Cuando viene un “sentir intuitivo”  busco silenciosamente unas palabras o una imagen que comiencen a asirlo.  “No quiero dar mi brazo a torcer…”, “No quiero ser derrotada…” (Hay un sentimiento con lágrimas aquí) “Tengo el derecho de hacerlo…” Respiro un poco más, revisando estas palabras frente a este “sentir intuitivo”…suspiro…dejo salir un poco de tensión.

En respuesta a estas palabras, viene un nuevo “sentir intuitivo” al centro de mi cuerpo, cerca del área del pecho…le presto atención, buscando palabras o una imagen que pudiera capturarlo…No puedo seguir así.  Es demasiada tensión…Me siento en silencio manteniendo estas palabras frente al Borde Creativo, el “sentir intuitivo…”

Al usar el Paso de Preguntar de Focusing Intuitivo,  se me viene la pregunta: “¿Qué puedo hacer para hacer que esto tenga menos tensión…?”…Permanezco con esta pregunta, prestándole atención al centro de mi cuerpo… y en lugar de contestar desde mi cabeza…, desde lo ya conocido…, espero que se forme un “sentir intuitivo” de una respuesta…Cuidadosamente busco palabras o imágenes que capturen el sentir intuitivo…suspiro, relajando la tensión.

En respuesta, consigo unas palabras, las cuales se sienten como un nuevo”Ajá” “¡Oh!, se trata de esta pequeña parte del proyecto…No tengo que renunciar a todo lo demás…, tal vez solamente  a esa pequeña parte para reducir la tensión…

Reviso estas palabras frente al “sentir intuitivo”…  Sí, ¡hay una relajación allí!

 Estoy sacudiendo mi cabeza: “¡Sí!, ¡eso es!”… “¡eso relajaría la tensión!”, “¡el miedo!…”

Me siento emocionada aquí.  Es difícil concentrarse.  Quiero levantarme y caminar ansiosamente… ¡no puedo hacer Focusing por mucho tiempo!  Le pregunto a mi esposo que está entrenado en Escucha Focalizada si él estaría disponible; sí, él será mi Escuchador Focalizado mientras yo continúo este proceso de Focusing Intuitivo.  Nos tomará de 10 a 20 minutos.  ¡A él le gusta hacerlo!…

Cierro los ojos y permanezco en este nuevo lugar, “Es solamente acerca de este pequeño lugar…” suspiro relajando la tensión…

Mi esposo refleja: “Así que es realmente sólo esta pequeña parte que tienes que cambiar.  No tienes que dejar todo…sólo esa parte…”

Estoy asintiendo otra vez, todo mi cuerpo dice:   “¡Sí!, puedo hacer eso realmente…,” “sí…, me libraré de ese miedo, esa tensión agotadora!…” Continúo revisando esa posible solución frente al “sentir intuitivo” y todo mi cuerpo sigue diciendo, “Sí, todo eso está bien conmigo.  Puedo hacerlo sin sentirme derrotada”.

  Mi esposo refleja: “Así que estás revisando y todo tu cuerpo te  dice: “Sí eso podría estar bien”…. “Puedo hacer eso sin sentirme derrotada”.  Sigo asintiendo, “Sí, eso podría estar bien…” suspiro…, relajando la tensión…

Seguimos por un rato, yo ahora en la modalidad de resolver problemas, intentando posibles opciones nuevas y diferentes; continúo  revisando con el “sentir intuitivo”, El Borde Creativo: “¿Está esto realmente bien?”… “¿Seré capaz de dormir en la noche si hago esto?…” Mi esposo continúa usando Escucha Focalizada para reflejar lo que yo digo,…dejándome revisar y aclarar…

Finalmente decido mantener esa pequeña parte ahora, siempre y cuando me prepare a mí misma para dejarla si es que tengo la necesidad de hacerlo....Esto parece ser una buena solución (Estoy moviendo la cabeza asintiendo y suspirando, relajando la tensión, es la manera que tiene mi cuerpo de decir:  “¡Sí!, ¡esto realmente encajó…!” “… ¡Tú puedes hacer esto realmente…!” Seguidamente,  terminamos el turno de Escucha/Focusing de manera formal.

En los próximos días, tengo menos tensión.  En las noches siguientes puedo dormir, surgen nuevas ideas, alternativas para reemplazar esa pequeña parte, etc. Tengo nueva energía para seguir adelante con todo el proyecto.  La posibilidad de “pequeños cambios” me da también la oportunidad de permitir que entren otras personas en mi proyecto sin que me asalte toda esa ansiedad y miedo que me han mantenido aislada, incapaz de compartir mis ideas con otras personas.

Si su meta es solamente utilizar Focusing para Ud. mismo, puede tomar una clase o un taller de entrenamiento en Focusing de un profesional de Focusing que Ud. puede encontrar en nuestra sección de Recursos Gratis.

Si desea ayuda de Escucha Focalizada de manera consistente y  sin tener que devolver el servicio como Escuchador (que es lo que sucede en las Parejas de Focusing como mencionamos mas abajo), entonces Ud. puede contratar un Entrenador de Focusing de Borde Creativo o un Terapeuta de Focusing Experiencial (Ver listados en la sección de Recursos Gratis).

Si Ud. ya tiene  una relación de Entrenamiento, puede concertar una cita para Escucha Focalizada por teléfono; a menudo, podría ya comenzar  a Focalizar simplemente  escribiendo un correo a su Entrenador expresándole acerca de su asunto o preocupación, poniendo atención a su interior, usando respuestas de Focusing Intuitivo. El Entrenador puede enviarle un correo de vuelta con respuestas de Escucha Focalizada.  ¡De esta manera Ud. recibe ayuda instantánea a mitad de precio!

Este material es ofrecido solamente como destrezas de autoayuda.  Al proveerlos, la Dra. McGuire no se compromete en rendir servicios psicológicos, financieros, legales u otros servicios profesionales.  Si se necesita la asistencia de un experto o de un consejero, se debe buscar los servicios de un profesional competente.

TESTIMONIO

“Siempre que  hago Focusing, estoy sorprendida de ver cuán rápido surge el asunto, y cómo, con la ayuda de un Escuchador, hay una transformación que va desde la confusión  hacia la comprensión y finalmente la solución.”

( Profesional asociado con una organización sin fines de lucro).

Translation by Agnes Rodriguez, Certified Focusing Professional and Creative Edge Associate offering Listening and Focusing training by phone in English and Spanish. See Agnes Rodriguez.

See also The Focusing Institute for articles in Spanish by Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing, and Spanish-speaking Focusing Teachers world-wide.

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

Focusing: Find out what is bothering you

By , November 10, 2007 6:03 pm

Focusing On the Creative Edge

Intuitive Focusing is one-half of the two Core Skills you are learning at Creative Edge Focusing (TM), www.cefocusing.com . Focusing can be used any time to find out what is bothering you. Focusing specializes in sitting with the vague, wordless intuitive sense that there is something….something you can’t quite put your finger on or put into words, but something definitely determining your behavior or how you feel or the inkling of an idea or solution……

Focusing can be used not just for personal problem-solving but for sitting with The Creative Edge of anything: a piece of creative art or writing, an exciting professional problem to solve, a good feeling that has a spiritual edge…

The Crux of Change

In the 1960’s research showed that the single most important variable in predicting success in psychotherapy was, not what the therapist was doing, but the client’s own ability to speak from present, felt experiencing rather than intellectualization. Eugene Gendlin decided we’d better learn how to teach that skill to people. He called it Focusing and broke it down into six steps for teaching it in a self-help way. His book, Focusing (Bantam, 1981), has been translated into over 15 languages and is used throughout the world. Focusing-Oriented Therapy incorporates Focusing into the psychotherapy process.

Description of Gendlin’s Six Step Focusing Process

First, I will describe Gendlin’s  process, then I will walk you through some actual instructions below. Here are Gendlin’s six steps for use of this inner, meditation-like problem-solving process in a self-help way:

  1. Clearing a Space: setting aside the jumble of thoughts, opinions, and analysis we all carry in our minds, and making a clear, quiet space inside where something new can come.
  2. Getting a Felt Sense: asking an open-ended question like “What is the feel of this whole thing (issue, situation, problem)?” and, instead of answering with one’s already-known analysis, waiting silently as long as a minute for the subtle, intuitive, “bodily feel” of “the whole thing” to form.
  3. Finding a Handle: carefully looking for some words or an image that begin to capture the “feel of the whole thing,” the Felt Sense, The Creative Edge: “It’s ‘jumpy;’” “It’s scared;” “It’s like the dew of a Spring morning;” “It’s like macaroni and cheese – comforting,” “It’s like jet propulsion! Something new that needs to spring forth!”
  4. Resonating and Checking: taking the Handle words or image and holding them against the Felt Sense, asking “Is this right? Is it ‘jumpy’?”, etc. Finding new words or images if needed until there is a sense of “fit” – “Yes, that’s it. Jumpy.”
  5. Asking: asking open-ended questions (questions that don’t have a “Yes” or “No” or otherwise fixed  or “closed” answer) like “And what is so hard about that?” or “And why does that have me stuck?” or “What was so beautiful about that moment?” or “And how does this apply to everything else?” and, again, instead of answering with already-known analysis, waiting silently for the whole-body-sense, the Felt Sense, to arise.

At each Asking, the Focuser also goes back to steps (2), (3) and (4) as necessary, waiting for the Felt Sense to form,  finding Handle words, Resonating and Checking until there is a sense of “fit”: “Yes, that’s it.” This often physically-felt experience of tension release and easing in the body, this sense of having found the right words, is called a Felt Shift by Gendlin.

Dr. McGuire, calls it a Paradigm Shift. It can be a small step of “Yes, that’s it” or a larger unfolding, a huge insight, with many pieces of the puzzle suddenly falling into place, with a flow of new words and images and possible action steps. Sometimes there is also a flood of tears of acknowledgment and relief or the release of other pent-up emotions.

     6.  Receiving: at each new step, each Felt Shift,  taking a moment to sit with the new “intuitive feel,” simply acknowledging and appreciating your own inner knowing for this new insight. Then, you can start again at step (5), Asking another open-ended question, (“And what is so important about this?”; “And why did that have me stuck?”; “And where does my mother come into all of this?”, etc.). And, again, step (2), waiting for the Felt Sense to form, step (3) finding a Handle, step (4) Resonating and Checking until there is a Felt Shift, a sense of “That’s it.”

You can always use “Clearing a Space” from the FREE Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual as a first step of Focusing, especially if you have a difficult time relaxing, being able to feel your body from the inside. Clearing a Space is particularly handy if you walk around with your body like cement a lot of the time!! However, a formal Clearing a Space takes a good twenty minutes, just in itself.

However, there are less time-consuming ways to get ready to start Focusing, “clearing a space” through relaxation or imagery work. We’ll give one of those a try below. The CD in our Self-Help Package, Complete Focusing Instructions (or the free download, Complete Focusing Instructions), includes many exercises for relaxation and imagery work as a first step of Intuitive Focusing.

A First Attempt: Find Out What Is Bothering You

Set aside at least 30 minutes for this first attempt. Remember, Focusing is a skill usually taught in 10 two-hour classes or two weekend workshops —so, if it doesn’t work for you immediately, don’t give up! Find a nearby teacher from the Focusing Institute Listings or arrange for phone sessions with Dr. McGuire or another Creative Edge Consultant.

But, some people are natural Focusers and just say, “Oh, yes. I’ve been doing this all my life. Now, I can just do it better, more predictably, whenever I want. Give it a try:

(You can read the instructions below to yourself now or into a tape recorder for playback — or purchase the Self-Help Package with Focusing Instruction CD. Leave at least one minute of silence between each instruction)

Step One: Clearing A Space (Relaxation exercise in this case)

Okay…first, just get yourself comfortable…feel the weight of your body on the chair…loosen any clothing that is too tight….
(one minute…)

Spend a moment just noticing your breathing….don’t try to change it….just notice the breath going in….and out…..
(one minute…)

Now, notice where you have tension in your body (pause)…..
(one minute…)

Now, imagine the tension as a stream of water, draining out of your body through your fingertips and feet (Pause)….
(one minute…)

Let yourself travel inside of your body to a place of peace…..
(one minute…)

Step Two: Getting A Felt Sense

Now, bring to mind an incident or a situation that was troublesome for you this week (pause as long as necessary)…Think about it or get a mental image of it……
(one minute…)

Now, try to set aside all of your thoughts about the situation, and just try to bring back the feeling you had in that situation (pause)….not words, but the “intuitive feel” of yourself in that situation……
(one minute)

Step Three: Finding A Handle

Now, carefully try to find words or an image for that feeling……

Step Four: Resonating and Checking

Go carefully back and forth between any words and the “intuitive feel of the whole thing” until you find words or an image that are just right for it……..
(one minute…)

Step Five: Asking

Now, gently ask yourself, “What is so hard about this situation for me?”, and wait, at least a minute, to see what comes in your wordless intuition, your whole-body sense….

Again, carefully find words or an image that exactly fit that whole feeling…..going back and forth until the symbols are “just right.”
(one minute…)

Now, imagine what the situation would be like if it were perfectly all right……
(one minute…)

Now, ask yourself, “What’s in the way of that?” and, again, don’t answer from your head, what you already know, but wait, as long as a minute, for something new to come in the center of your body, more like a wordless intuition or whole-body sense………
(one minute…)

Again, carefully find words or an image for that, “whatever is in the way”…..go back and forth until the symbols are “just right.”
(one minute…)

Now, see if you can find some small step you might be able to take to move yourself in a positive direction….again, don’t answer from your head, the already known, but wait as much as a minute for the wordless, intuitive “feel,” the bodily felt sense of an answer to arise……..
(one minute…)

Take a moment, again, to carefully find words or an image for this possible next step…..go back and forth until the symbols are “just right.”
(one minute…)

Check with your “intuitive feel,” “Is this right? Is this really something I could try doing?”…If your “intuitive feel” says, “Yes (some sense of release, relaxation), I could try that,” then you can stop here. If your “felt sense”  says “No, I can’t do that” or “That won’t work,” then ask yourself again, “What small step in the positive direction would work?”, again, waiting quietly, as much as a minute for an intuitive answer to arise, then making words or an image for it…….going back and forth until the symbols are “just right.”
(one minute…)

Step Six: Receiving

Keep at this as long as you are comfortable, but, if no clear next step arises, just remind yourself that, at least you have gotten a clearer sense of the problem, and, because you have spent Focusing time with “the whole thing,” maybe later something new will pop up….
(one minute or more…)

Appreciate yourself and your body for taking time with this, trusting that taking time is the important thing — solutions can then arise later.
(one minute…)

Remember, Intuitive Focusing is often taught as a twenty-hour course, so don’t be discouraged if you didn’t experience a dramatic Paradigm Shift this first time. Work through the Mini-Manual and Complete Focusing Instructions downloads, with support and help from our e-newsletter and e-discussion list, order the Self-Help Package with manual, CD, and DVD, or purchase Focusing Coaching by phone.

Subscribe to e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice relaxation, getting a “felt sense,” and Focusing and download the Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manaul (Ajas Instantaneos en espanol) of 10 everyday ways to add Listening and Focusing to your home and work:   

http://visitor.constantcontact.com/optin.jsp?&m=1101671080238&ea=

Join our e-support groups for hands-on practice of Listening and Focusing and receive The Complete Focusing Instructions manual in a return email from Yahoo Groups: http://www.cefocusing.com/focusingcontact.php

Work with Dr. McGuire through Coaching or Consulting: http://www.cefocusing.com/store/categories.php

Find a Focusing Class or Focusing Coach/Trainer world-wide in many languages: http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/index.php#listings_pros

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

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