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By Kathy McGuire, November 7, 2007 6:00 pm

The Collaborative Edge Decision Making Method  

     Hierarchical and collaborative models of decision making both have strengths and weaknesses. Hierarchical models can breed apathy and alienation, and the absenteeism, low productivity, and carelessness which can result. Collaborative models can lead to an inability to reach conclusions and to carry out effective action and can degenerate into power struggles over leadership. The Collaborative Edge Decision Making Method combines the benefits of both collaboration and hierarchy:

1. Benefits of Collaboration

     Collaboration, where people work together as equal colleagues toward a common goal, has the following benefits compared to strict, hierarchical, top-down decision making:

• (a) The equal hearing of every viewpoint and the contribution of each person’s unique expert knowledge can lead to win/win decisions which are more inclusive and creative;
• (b) Egalitarian expression of disagreement can address weaknesses, producing decisions that are objectively higher in quality;
• (c) When participants have a say in decisions affecting them, even when they do not get all of what they want, they experience greater “ownership” of decisions and become more willing and motivated to carry the decisions out;
• (d) Working together toward a common goal also produces feelings of friendship and collegiality which lead to greater enjoyment in working together and greater commitment to the group and the organization itself.

2. Benefits of Hierarchy

     In most business settings, clear, hierarchical lines of authority and responsibility insure that:

• (a) Decisions can be made within prescribed time limits;
• (b) Specialized expertise of individuals can be utilized effectively;
• (c) An overview of the entire organization’s objectives and projects can be developed by executives, in communication with any advisory Boards and shareholders. This overview can be communicated to managers, who can organize the efforts of work groups toward accomplishing these over-all objectives.
• (d) “The buck stops here.” Clear lines of responsibility, and the accompanying power and authority needed to take responsibility, are established.

3. Coordinated Collaboration Component

      In pure consensual decision making, a decision is not made until everyone in the group feels able to go along with it. At the very least, dissenting group members have to be willing to say, “I’m not willing to participate in the project that way, but it’s okay with me if you three want to carry it out, “or, “I think there’s a better way to be found, but I’m willing to go along as long as we review the outcome in a month” or some such qualified assent.

     If someone is not able to agree in any way, it is assumed that the decision is flawed, some piece of information needed for problem-solving is missing, or not yet articulated, and the group will benefit from spending more time sitting with the decision until an acceptable solution arises. Committees can be formed to gather more information, and group members can spend time individually or in pairs using Intuitive Focusing to look for innovative solutions.

     However, in many situations within an organization, decisions have to be made on a timetable and passed along to other collaborative teams or up the hierarchy. Using the Coordinated Collaboration approach of the Collaborative Edge Decision Making method, a Coordinator or Project Manager can set time limits for Collaborative Decision Making and be empowered to make final decisions when the time limits are up and take these to other levels.  Coordinated Collaboration allows the benefits of collaboration within the time limits and structured responsibility of hierarchical organization, capitalizing upon the best of both models.

Read the complete article about Collaborative Edge Decision Making, including Hand Outs to use in applying the method immediately at meetings, at http://www.cefocusing.com/freedownloads/CollaborativeEdgearticleFinal.pdf and in Spanish at http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/MetododeTomadeDecisionesdelBordedeColaboracionandHandoutsFinal.pdf

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

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By Kathy McGuire, November 6, 2007 3:55 am

INCREASING INTIMACY AND NOVELTY WITH SEX GAMES

Please check the archive Category: Sex to catch up on some ground rules and previous suggestions for collaborative edge sexuality, untangling desire, negotiating as equals for mutual satisfaction.

Now, let’s say you are aiming at three dates/week. Perhaps once or twice a month, hopefully you can set aside a longer time, free of children and interruptions, to luxuriate in even more novelty and intimacy.

Sex-y board games, bought at a sex store or, I imagine, online, are one way to “do something different.”  The good ones introduce the surprise of novelty, but they also include great “foreplay,” actual question-and-answer games which increase communication and intimacy.

Inexpensive: You can buy “Coupon books” for a few dollars, with coupons your lover can exchange for a massage, a strip tease, a videotaping opportunity, etc., etc.

Medium: The Sex Game

You get a fold-out board which is basically a house plan, with squares labelled Garage, stairwell, front door, living room, bedroom, back door, laundry room, hall, bathroom, kitchen…well, you get the idea. That is novelty.

Then, there is a six-sided die, with the following labels: Solo, 69,Extras, Oral, Massage, Fondle.  Then one person rolls a die, asks more specifically if the other would perform a specified act in a certain way, and, within two minutes, receives whatever comes up in the room the die landed on…

More expensive( $25-55) : ForePlay: A Game For Lovers

This is a good example of a sex-y boardgame. There are pieces to move around a board to a goal by rolling dice. When landing on a space, a player draws either a “Key” card or a “Heart” card.

Key cards consist of questions that each lover will answer, just great questions to increase communication and intimacy: “What was your first sexual experience?”,”How would you like to spend a dream weekend?”, “What stategies do you use to overcome jealousy?”, “Are you proud of your partner? Explain how.” You will find yourselves considering and answering questions about each other that have never come up before.

Heart cards are about carrying out specific sexual activities, from “Sit and stare into each others eyes for 5 minutes” to “Massage your lovers feet” to  — well, most anything you can imagine. Each lover simply collects Heart cards.

At the end of the game, the winner gets to arrange their Heart cards in the order they would like their lover to carry them out.

Well, since we are talking about equality and collaboration, it certainly would be allowed to then switch roles, and even let the loser have their Heart’s desire.

Three more interesting board games :

Kamasutra: A Game for Lovers on Their Journey to Ecstasy.

In this one, instead of saving “Action Cards” until the end, each space on the game board describes actions to be taken, and cards drawn include more intimate and sexy actions to take, including Position cards –these are saved until the end… Anyone has the right of refusal or renegotiation.

A Lover’s Touch: A Romance Game For Your Body, Mind, Spirit

Much the same as Kamasutra.

Wildly Sexy Dares: The Game of Naughty Adventures For Couples Who Think They’ve Done It All

I’d say this is a game for the more Extroverted among us! Competition is the name of the game, with Daring Adventures carried out throughout the week and throughout the world — in restaurants, stores, at friends’ houses, at the movies.

Players accumulate cards, some to be carried out immediately (each player draws as many stick  figures of a couple in different sexual positions as they can– Points to the winner; go through magazines and make a sexy collage, using as many first letters in the alphabet as you can)and some throughout the week (in a restaurant, spill water in your partner’s crotch and then wipe it up; hide a sexy photo of yourself in your partner’s briefcase). Competition and points gathered for a Grand Prize (like a weekend away).

Remember, the every-day ground work for Intimacy/ Sensuality/ Sexuality is laid in the use of the many Listening/Focusing tactics included in the Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (“Ajas Instantaneos” in the Spanish translation) available from Creative Edge Focusing (TM).

 You get that as a free download for subscribing to our e-newsletter at www.cefocusing.com , in the sidebar. Or, you can just look it up under Articles in the Free Resources section!

I especially recommend, daily, “Ahah!” #8. Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy ; “Ahah!” #3. Passive Listening: Stop Arguments with partners, children, coworkers; “Ahah! #2. Active Listening: Short-circuit angry confrontations.

And, I hope you will choose to learn our core self-help skills, Intuitive Focusing at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a1.php and Focused Listening at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a2.php and, perhaps, decide to start your own Listening/Focusing Practice and Support Group using our Self-Help Package (http://www.cefocusing.com/services/5b1.php or to take a class or workshop to learn the Focusing Partnership method (http://www.cefocusing.com/services/5b2.php

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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By Kathy McGuire, November 2, 2007 4:08 pm

As an Intuitive Cook, I don’t want recipes. I don’t want to take the time to even open a cook book. I want “general principles” I can apply, given the time and ingredients I have in hand.

 A while ago (see Category: food to find former blogs), I wrote about grilling/roasting cauliflower and onions/peppers. Now, reading autumn food magazines (if you want only one food magazine this season, I recommend Bon Appetit, November, 2007. It is chock full of easy, delicious fall/winter/holiday recipes), I am inundated with more delicious ideas for grilling/roasting, not just veggies, but fruits, and even turning them into soup!

So, here is the basic principle:

In the oven, preheat to 420 degrees (or go to 450, and cook faster, watch more closely), spread slices on baking tray or in a sturdy casserole dish with some olive oil and spices and chunky salt, if you want) and cook around 50 minutes( 10-20 minutes at the higher heat), checking and stirring midway.

On the grill, turn side burners to medium (or pile coals to sides), and grill on a grill pan over the center burner, 10-20 minutes, stirring occasionally (cover closed).

The point: get the veggie or fruit to “caramelize,” turning sweet and roasted. Yummm!!!

Now, new veggies to try (not zero calories like cauliflower and onions/peppers, so watch portion size, but colorful veggies of autumn packed with everything good!):

Pumpkin, butternut squash, acorn squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, beets (flavor with a little honey or maple syrup or curry powder or…use your imagination!).

Turnips, parsnips, rutabaga (this one smells when cooking!), eggplant, fennel.

Baby red potatos, yukon potatoes, any potatoes (flavor with “parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme,” in any combination).

Leeks, red onions, sweet onions, yellow onions, shallots.

TO MAKE SOUP :

Take any roasted or grilled carmalized veggie and simply add enough low-fat chicken or vegetable broth (from a can!!) to get to desired soupy consistency. Or, blenderize this mixture!!!!! Top with a little parmesan/cheddar/blue cheese or sour cream/yogurt. Mix in some milk or cream, depending upon calories. Season to taste!!!!!

FRUITS: Same basic principle for grilling/roasting.

Pears, apples, plums, peaches, nectarines, any combination

Now, you can also mix fruits and veggies together, such as:

Butternut squash, Apple, and Onion

Pears, Parsnips, and Onion

Apples, Fennel, and Leeks

Whatever your “intuitive feel” tells you would be delicious. Always good with a little cheddar, parmesan,  or blue cheese.

STUFFING, TOO!

Or, add some cornbread or stuffing bread or rice to roasted veggies or fruits, with a little chicken stock, Voila! Stuffing. Add some nuts, dried cranberries or apricots, grapes…

If you are a Sensing instead of an iNtuitive type on the Myers-Briggs (see http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/2f1n_Jung_MBTI_Exp_Theory.pdf to find out, and Personality Tests submenu at http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/2e.php to take some actual tests), you might need recipes and measurements. Cookbooks are for you. But, me, recipes tie me down!!!!

Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

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By Kathy McGuire, October 31, 2007 12:38 pm

Community: Core Creative Edge Focusing ™ Concepts

• Sharing from The Creative Edge creates feelings of empathy, a deep understanding of the validity of the other person’s unique point of view
• Sharing from The Creative Edge also creates feelings of connection, a deep understanding that, underneath our uniqueness, we share a common humanity
• The Focusing Partnership method creates a sense of community and shared humanity similar to the Greek concept of the love called Agape, the Christian love of The Christ Within each person, and the compassion of the Buddha for the Universal Oneness underlying everything
• This Agape is the glue which binds us into a human community, providing the motivation for overcoming conflict at all levels in society
• This creation of Agape, creation of love, can happen when the Focusing Partnership method is used for the purpose of building Focusing Groups/Teams  or Focusing Communities, or it can arise in Creative Edge Organizations as Focusing Groups/Teams do problem-solving toward a common goal
• Call it “buy-in,” “commitment,” “loyalty,” “full engagement,” but an essential by-product of shared creativity and collaboration is a sense of being deeply connected to other people and working toward a common goal
• The creation of Community has benefits for conflict resolution within interpersonal relationships but also within organizations and at the national and  international level      (See Creating At The Edge/Culture of Creativity at  http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a11.php for full underlying concepts of Creative Edge Focusing™ )

Building Supportive Community

The Building Supportive Community Project brings the Creative Edge Focusing ™  Model, with its two Core Skills, Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, and seven Applied Methods of The Creative Edge Pyramid, into existing support groups and communities, as well as starting new Focusing Communities.

Some applications are 12-Step Groups, Support Groups, Community Mental Health , Religious and Spiritual Communities,  Hospitals , Prisons , Schools , Conflict Resolution, Participatory Democracy ,  and Collaborative Work Groups and Collectives. See (PDF file) Focusing and Twelve Step by Steve Crawford , http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/2F2p_Experiential_Focusing_Twelve_Step_Recovery_Work_Steve_Crawford.pdf and  Recovery Focusing by Suzanne Noel at  http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/3a1bNoelRECOVERY_FOCUSING_final_2.pdf for an integration of Gendlin’s Focusing theory and the 12-Steps.

Community means a felt-experience of interconnection and mutual support as well as the capacity to work together toward a common cause. In a community everyone can belong, respected for their uniqueness or their role but working toward the common good.  For community to work, people need ways to respect and to capitalize on differences and to resolve interpersonal conflicts.

Community can be built starting with people who initially come together for mutual emotional support, as in a support group. That experience of sharing can build outward into an actual community which can organize toward a common goal, for instance, advocacy.

Or, community can be built starting with people who initially come together to accomplish a shared goal, as in a grass-roots campaign or a non-profit or for-profit organization. The good feelings created through collaboration can end up having also created feelings of mutual care and supportive community.  

Dr. McGuire’s  manual, Focusing In Community: How To Start A Listening/Focusing Support Group (in Spanish, Focusing en Comunidad: Como Empezar un Grupo de Apoyo de Escocha Y Focusing)teaches the basic skills needed.  Audio and video tapes and phone sessions and workshops enhance this learning.  The Creative Edge e-discussion/support group connects you with other people throughout the world who belong to Focusing Communities (join from the sidebar at www.cefocusing.com .

The above is excerpted from Creative Edge Focusing’s website. Continue reading about Building Supportive Community in both Support Groups and Task-Oriented Groups at http://www.cefocusing.com/isthisyou/3a1b.php

You can also read the following articles:

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing TM

www.cefocusing.com

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By Kathy McGuire, October 30, 2007 10:24 am

Empowerment Organization: Motivating from the bottom up

Motivation = Engagement : Apathy Is The Enemy!

You are charged with finding that “one small thing” which will get every employee or volunteer or citizen fully engaged in your larger projects. No apathy allowed in a Creative Edge Organization! You want to become alert to noticing apathy, people at any level who are not caring, not involved, and then work at involvement. You want every person actively involved at The Creative Edge, the lively, creative, energized “intuitive feel” of being a living, thinking, involved  Co-Creator or Collaborator.

Finding “One Small Thing”

In the ongoing life of your Creative Edge community or organization, the weekly exchange of Listening/Focusing turns in Focusing Partnerships and  Focusing Groups or Teams will keep individuals involved at their own personal, unique Creative Edge. See Interest Area: Creative Edge Organization at http://www.cefocusing.com/isthisyou/3a1a.php for a full introduction to the model.  

However, in addition, or perhaps first or independently, you can use the “One Small Thing” method to find one over-arching project that will get everyone involved.

You want to find “One Small Thing” that every person in the community or organization can become involved in with minimal effort but maximum sense of satisfaction in contributing something to the larger mission.  If the first step of involvement is too big, too difficult, then most people won’t be willing to do it.

So, you have to keep looking until you find something so small that everyone can do it, easily, willingly, yet so important that it will feel like a real contribution, a first step of commitment to the larger cause. Then, you can invite these involved, engaged people into further Collaborative Decision Making about the project.

If your “One Small Thing” project is not having the desired effect, then the step is too big, requires too much motivation or commitment. If that is the case, then you need to look for a smaller step until you find the one that works.

Example One: Achieving Corporate Buy-In

At Old Navy (Business Week, June,19, 2006), Innovation Champion Ivy Ross, catching the MySpace-type lifestyle of today, used a facebook-style CD in an effort to bind old and new employees into one new group. Every employee filmed three minutes of “something so personal it would take years to discover it.” Ross had new and old employees hungrily viewing the CD. They quickly became bonded into one, new group, “infused…with a close tightness essential for innovation.” Ross had found the “One Small Thing.”

Example Two: Revitalizing the PTO at a public school

The PTO of a public school was languishing. A handful of parents wer doing all the work. A new property tax bill dramatically cut funding to the public schools, wiping out PE teachers, art, music, librarians, nurses….The parents suddenly had to raise a whole lot of money from a population of middle to low income parents.

The small group of committed parents started selling Grocery Store Gift Certificates. The PTO could purchase the “scrip” at a 5% discount, resell it to parents to use to buy groceries, and make a 5% profit on something parents had to buy anyway. Everyone had to buy groceries!  They sold “scrip” in the front hallway before school and at school events and PTO meetings.

Suddenly, everyone was buying “scrip” – grandparents, neighbors, as well as parents and teachers. People were coming into the school to purchase “scrip” and staying to paint walls or help with reading. The only people who were unhappy were parents who were on food stamps – they were furious that they couldn’t contribute!!!! The PTO had found the One Small Thing that allowed everyone to become involved.

Now, parents had a “stake” in how the money would be spent. Attendance at PTO meetings grew to thirty, making decisions about how to distribute the funds, how to enlarge the “scrip” program. Teachers came to present proposals for funding.

In the first year, the PTO raised $11,000 (at the 5% net profit, gross sales of $220,000!) to hire a part-time PE teacher who would teach the other teachers how to run PE classes. The “scrip” program spread to other public schools and, ten years later, a large banner in front of the town high school reads “Buy Grocery Scrip”.

But, more importantly, the entire school was revitalized.  The parents had to establish a “volunteer lounge” at the school to accommodate all the volunteers!

Hypothetical Example: Global Warming

You are Al Gore.  You want to get every day citizens involved in the issue of Global Warming. But most people feel apathetic: “Oh, there is nothing that one person can do…it is up to governments.”

Well, maybe it is up to governments…but non-apathetic, engaged citizens are the ones to put pressure on governments.  So, you are looking for that “one small thing.” “What is one small thing that masses of people would be willing to do and which would act as a first step toward full engagement?”

Here’s a possibility:  Purportedly, “idling” your car greatly increases the output of pollutants. Yet, everyone, without giving it a thought, “idles” at drive-up banks, fast food take-outs, school pick ups. What about a “Stop Idling! Stop Greenhouse Gases” campaign? With bumper stickers, flyers on car windows or handed out at drive-up locations….the double-entendre “Don’t idle and don’t be idle!”……

If you can get people, all over the world, to “Stop Idling!”, you will have them engaged in thinking about global warming every day…and primed to engage in other actions which you initiate.

Intuitive Focusing on “What is the One Small Thing?”

Your Turn

So, let’s use the Intuitive Focusing skill to find the “one small thing” to engage and motivate your target audience, be it consumers, citizens, volunteers, or employees. This could be the most important decision you make, so, one small session may not be enough, but it will start you thinking about Creative Edge engagement. It will put the pot on the burner so that creative insights can arise now or later.

You can do this first step alone, by yourself, but even more productively with the appropriate group of problem solvers, benefiting from the Creative Edge Collaborative Thinking of many people.

However, the best way to generate ideas for the “one small thing” is to initiate a Listening/Focusing Brainstorming process with the people at the bottom! We are not going to do that here, but it is essential to the process of motivating from the bottom up.

As a group or individually, sit down and get comfortable, preparing to spend up to  twenty minutes letting right- and left- brain problem solving interact. Add another twenty minutes for group sharing. Keep a blank pad of paper in front of each person for gathering ideas.

In a group, have one person read the following instructions aloud to everyone else. Everyone except the reader, close your eyes, focusing inward, on The Creative Edge…or, at least, look off “into space”. You want to access right-brain, intuitive thinking before you turn to more traditional “brainstorming” methods.

Upon hearing the instructions, pay attention, inside, looking for the “intuitive feel” of answers – not what is immediately, intellectually known, but the right-brain, intuitive, murky, vague feel of what you know that is “more than words”…..leave at least a minute of silence between each instruction….(read more and find the actual Focusing Instructions at http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/2a1f.php)

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

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By Kathy McGuire, October 29, 2007 4:30 pm

Finding The Meaning Of Tears

“Being Touched” and “Being Moved” : The Spiritual Value of Tears

Download the above articles to learn more about the use of Intuitive Focusing to unravel the meanings signalled by tears.

“Opening Up”, Not “Breaking Down”

Most of the time, we walk around “being” our symptoms instead of “relating” to them. The physician’s office is a place where accidental openings into the “felt senses” underlying symptoms have an increased likelihood of happening. It thus becomes important for physicians, and other health professionals, to capitalize on these moments where the defenses fall, and the preverbal felt experiencing underlying symptoms, becomes available for transformation.

Inter-office conflict or stress at home can also cause a co-worker or employee to “break down” and start crying. Or a friend may become teary while sharing. Instead of being afraid of a “break down,” see it as an “opening up,” an opportunity to unblock and build anew. See Culture of Creativity to understand the Creative Edge Core Principles underlying growth and creativity.

People Are Skilled At “Not Crying”

Five minute grieving is based upon the following premises, drawn from my 25-year experience as a psychotherapist and peer counseling teacher:

• In general, people do not fall apart and cry and cry without stopping. In general, people do not cry for more than a few minutes at a time.
• If tears are present, it is healthier for body and mind to allow their expression than to repress them. Tears also are the doorways into The Creative Edge, the possibility for change.
• In general, people have a life-time of experience in being able to call up their defenses again, and go on as needed after a few moments of crying.
• In the few cases where crying is uncontrollable, it is better to discover this vulnerability and get help, by referring to a counselor for psychotherapy and/or a psychiatrist for exploration of the appropriateness of anti-depressant medication.
• In general, spending a few minutes making words for the “intuitive sense” underlying the tears will bring relief to the person, energy to the Listener, and a deep feeling of bonding and care between the two.
• Allowing the tears also actually releases energy, letting the person go on to next steps of problem solving and action to be taken.

Here follows a first step into the Creative Edge Focusing ™ Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening which I call “Five Minute Grieving,” especially for health professionals, but also for co-workers and friends in a pinch, if someone tears up or starts crying.  

FIVE MINUTE GRIEVING

Example from a physician’s office:

You have just told a patient that tests have shown her to be infertile. Tears well up in her eyes.

1. Invite her to cry. Say something like the following:
   • “In a minute we can discuss options, but let’s make room for your tears.”
   • “It’s okay with me to let your tears come.”
   • “It’s okay to cry.”
   • “You don’t have to hold back your tears.”
   • “It’s important to let yourself cry.”
   • “Just be gentle with yourself. Put your arms around yourself.”
2. Empathize with the feeling without trying to “fix” it or take it away:
   • “I know it seems bleak right now.”
   • “I know it’s hard.”
   • “I see your sadness.”
   • “I’m sorry for your sadness.”
3. Help her to find words or images for the tears. After she has cried for a while or at a natural pause in her tears, say something like:
   • “What are the words for your sadness?”
   • “Are there any words or images with your tears? It helps to get a handle on the feeling.”
   • “Can you say what’s the worst of it?”
   • “Can you say what you’re thinking?”
4. Just be quiet and give the person some time to grope for words.
   • Empathize again, often by paraphrasing:
   • “So it’s (her words: “the fear that you’ll never be a mother;” “feeling like a dried up stick,” etc.) that’s hard.”
5. Continue Steps 1-4 as long as makes sense.
   • Establish closure:
   • “We have to stop now.”
   • “We only have a minute before we have to stop.”
   • “I have to go, but you’re welcome to sit here for a minute until you’re ready to go.”
   • Or, if you are now going to continue with other aspects of the visit, “Let’s see if we can put aside the tears for now so that I can give you some more information and we can look for solutions to your situation.”
   • Orient the person, if necessary, by doing a “present time” exercise:
   • “I want to make sure you’re back out in the world before I send you off to drive home (or before we continue talking) . How about if you name all the circular (or orange, or striped, etc.) things in the room?”
   • At the end of the appointment, make a referral to a counselor or support group as appropriate and/or make arrangements for the person to check back with you for a future appointment.

Of course, Five Minute Grieving  is just a first step toward fully incorporating Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening into your personal and professional life. I hope it will whet your appetite to pursue further training in PRISMS/S and the Creative Edge Pyramid for application of Listening and Focusing at all levels and at home as well as work  at www.cefocusing.com .

You can begin with Free and Purchased resources by clicking on the Icons in the right sidebar on the main page. Helping professionals can order Dr. McGuire’s manual, The Experiential Dimension in Therapy and, in a Free Phone Consult with Dr. McGuire, can explore our Experiential Focusing Professional Training Program.

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, October 28, 2007 2:42 pm

Translation by Agnes Rodriguez, Certified Focusing Professional and Creative Edge Focusing Associate. Agnes offers inexpensive phone sessions of Active (empathic listening) so you can try it out and learn how to do it. Go to http://www.cefocusing.com/contact.php  and look at bottom for email address to contact Agnes.

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

http://www.cefocusing.com/

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, October 27, 2007 5:24 pm

FOCUSING INNER CHILD WORK

Focusing Inner Child Work With Abused Clients 

(download this PDF file to see Dr. McGuire’s approach)

    Yes, if we are to work on healthy sexuality, we will have to look at the wide prevalence of sexual abuse, the wounds of which will crop up all around sexuality.

    What is the statistic? Is it 1 out of 2 women  and 1 out of 3 men report some kind of unwanted touching by age 21? Whatever the factual statistics, the number is huge, huge, enough that everyone needs an awareness of past abuse creeping into present relationships.

   Alice Miller, in her books including For Your Own: Hidden Cruelty In Childhood and the Roots of Violence, http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-5665581-7820613?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Alice+Miller+For+Your+Own+Good&Go.x=12&Go.y=12, was one of the first to “tear the covers off” the culturally-accepted practices and mythology surrounding the physical and sexual abuse of children.

    I have had women tell me laughingly over lunch, “Oh, I even take my showers with my clothes on!” or “I’ve never had an orgasm. It’s fine with me and fine with my husband.”

    Equally likely, flashbacks to sexual abuse begin when  someone finally finds a loving relationship, enough safety to begin to let down defenses and begin to re-feel — and, bam, memories from the past arise because of this new-found safety.

   In this self-help context, I can only issue a warning to be on the lookout for signs and to seek appropriate help. The official “diagnosis” is often Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), the same kind of intense “flashbacks” and other anxiety-related symptoms that Vietnam vets called to our attention.

   One finding about  PTSD from warfare was that soldiers who had already experienced trauma in childhood had an intensified likelihood of PTSD in wartime.

   Much research also substantiates that a huge percentage of those in prison, men and women, were victims of childhood physical and sexual abuse.

   Intellectual understanding is not sufficient for healing. Nor is it necessary or productive to be “re-traumatized” through the unsafe recall of memories. Therapies are body-centered, helping the client to pay attention to  “present bodily experience,” Gendlin”s “felt sensing,” the crux of Focusing. They also use “anchoring” and other techniques to produce a therapeutic setting where memories can be “re-experienced” within a safety that allows for “carrying forward.”

   There are also approaches to treatment which emphasize supporting couples working through sexual abuse issues. One such is Laura Davis, Allies In Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child. Read inspiring reviews of this book and the comfort it brings at http://www.amazon.com/Allies-Healing-Person-Sexually-Abused/dp/customer-reviews/0060968834/ref=cm_cr_acr_dp_top/105-0394208-4450814?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&customer-reviews.start=1&qid=1193519753&sr=1-1#customerReviews

You’ll find more books here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/105-0394208-4450814?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Sexual+Abuse+Couples+Therapy&Go.x=8&Go.y=13

   Some therapies that are especially useful in helping people to work through flashbacks and other symptoms, with empathy and support are:

Focusing-Oriented Therapy (FOT): read about Focusing and Trauma at http://www.focusing.org/trauma.html and find additional Certified Professionals who do FOT  at http://www.focusing.org/trainers_search.asp

Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing at http://www.traumahealing.com/

Mary Armstrong’s work on Focusing and EMDR at http://www3.sympatico.ca/m.armstrong

Hakomi Body-Centered Therapy: description at http://www.prajna-flowingriver.org/hakomi.htm. Hakomi Institute at www.hakomiinstitute.com and  Hakomi Resources at http://www.gregjohanson.net/page.asp?ID=4

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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By Kathy McGuire, October 26, 2007 6:21 pm

 Conceptos Básicos de Focusing de Borde Creativo para Padres que Crían de Manera Positiva. 

• ·        Para criar niños en el mundo de hoy, los padres deben ser “mentores” de sus hijos, para que sean independientes y flexibles en la solución de sus problemas y en la toma de decisiones.  Los niños necesitan guías, mentores como el personaje Yoda en StarWars, no personas autoritarias. 
• ·        Los niños tiene un acceso natural al “sentir intuitivo” que es básico de Focusing Intuitivo.  La guía interna conduce a la toma de decisiones de manera independiente, tener una “consciencia” y tener una vida satisfactoria la cual satisface el proyecto detallado de vida en cuanto a  talentos específicos y a  aspiraciones únicas.
• ·        La crianza positiva ayuda a los niños a mantener y desarrollar esta “guía interna”.  Al usar la Escucha Focalizada, los padres aprenden a ayudar a los niños a encontrar su propia solución a los problemas. 
• ·        El abuso físico, sexual y emocional son el enemigo para desarrollar este sentido interno, esta consciencia y guía para la toma independiente de decisiones. Ellos enseñan a los niños a disociarse de sus cuerpos, desde su “experiencia Sentida” o su “sentir intuitivo”.
•  ·        Educar a los padres para que críen a sus hijos no es suficiente; los padres deben sanar su propio “Niño Interno” antes de que puedan alterar su comportamiento hacia sus hijos.  El Proceso de Solución de Problemas PRISMAS/S con su destrezas básicas Focusing Intuitivo y Escucha Focalizada son necesarios para el cambio a nivel de Paradigmas cognitivos/emocionales/esquemas de comportamiento que determinan la conducta, las emociones y el pensamiento.       El kaleidoscopio tiene que virar…
•  ·        Los padres pueden aprender a usar Escucha Focalizada y Focusing Intuitivo en su propia relación.  La Pirámide de Borde Creativo incluye aplicaciones de PRISMAS/S en muchos niveles.  Los padres pueden ayudarse unos a otros con la curación de su Niño Interno a través de turnos de Focusing en Pareja. Pueden usar también Focusing Interpersonal para resolver conflictos entre ellos mismos en cuanto a estilos de crianza. 
• ·        Los Grupos de Apoyo en la crianza son absolutamente necesarios.  Cuando los padres comparten con otros padres pueden tener ayuda en épocas de crisis ya sea en sus matrimonios o como padres solteros.  La esencia de los grupos de apoyo consiste en (a) Ud. no está sólo, Ud. no es el único experimentando esas cosas, (b) Todos Uds. son expertos.  Al usar sus propios recursos pueden solucionar sus problemas, pueden mover montañas.  Los Grupos de Focusing y la Comunidades de Focusing proveen auto-ayuda, modelos de consejo de pares para grupos de apoyo. 

 CUATRO APLICACIONES DE LA ESCUCHA/FOCUSING PARA PADRES QUE CRIAN:Las destrezas básicas Focusing Intuitivo y Escucha Focalizada pueden ser aplicadas a la crianza de cuatro maneras diferentes, dos primariamente para sus hijos, y dos para Uds. como padres.  Le llamo a esto “Crianza Interna/Externa…” Lea más acerca de las destrezas arriba mencionadas y baje artículos a su computadora como: “Padres como Espejos: Previniendo el Narcisismo”. “Poniendo Límites Mientras se Permiten Elecciones” “Crianza Positiva: Escucharse a Sí Mismo, Escuchar a su Pareja, Escuchar a su Hijo” En: Creative Edge Focusing (Focusing de Borde Creativo)Área de Interés (Positive Parentering) Crianza Positiva http/: www.cefocusing.com/isthis you/3a1d.php 

• Otros sitios web interesantes: 

Jane Nelson (autora de Disciplina Positiva, mi libro favorito sobre crianza)

www.positivediscipline.com 

Programa de Entrenamiento Padre a Padre en CHADD (organismo nacional para Niños y Padres con Desorden de Déficit Atencional)

www.chadd.org 

Recursos y

Entrenamiento del programa de crianza positiva

www.positiveparenting.com   

DRa. Kathy McGuire, Directora

 CREATIVE EDGE FOCUSINGTM  

• www.cefocusing.com   
• TraducciónAgnes Rodríguez. 

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By Kathy McGuire, October 26, 2007 3:37 pm

The Enneagram: Looking At Your Shadow Side 

While the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (see description and tests at http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/2e.php#2e4 )stresses the positive, our “differing gifts,” The Enneagram helps us to take a brave look at our shadow side, our personal demon, and the motivations driving us.

I find it interesting that, even if someone’s MBTI is exactly the same as mine, the person can seem to be very different from me in how they behave. Especially if I am getting into conflict with the person, I often try to figure out their Enneagram as well to see if that sheds light on the situation.

There are nine basic personality types, refined by degree of interaction with the other types.  They are The Reformer, The Helper, The Motivator, The Artist, The Thinker, The Loyalist, The Generalist, The Leader, and The Peacemaker. However, complexities involve leaning toward one”wing” or the other and passing into a different type when ideal vs. under stress, etc.

Riso’s book, Discover Your Personality Type: The New Enneagram Questionnaire (Houghton Mifflin, 1995) provides a simple description and test for exploring your Enneagram profile. However, Helen Palmer’s work with the Enneagram can lead to somewhat different results. Again, try several tests and see what you learn:

• www.enneagramspectrum.com  (free quiz, good articles like “Enneagram Styles As Personality Paradigms”)
• www.enneagraminstitute.com (Riso and Hudson; free and paid tests; lots of info)
• www.enneagramworldwide.com (Palmer; $10 test; lots of info)
• www.similarminds.com (lots of free Enneagram-based informal tests; test combining Enneagram and MBTI)
• www.pulsarnet.com/cw   (Great Enneagram Handbook download; lots on  Conscious Relationship as well)

More Personality Tests and a philosophy for conflict resolution through understanding Individual Differences at http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/2e.php#2e4

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com