CE Focusing Blog

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

ADHD, collaboration, core skills, Creativity, education, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, parenting, self-help skills, support groups | ADHD, creative edge education, Creativity, differing gifts, education, juvenile delinquency, Multiple Intelligences, personality tests, school drop out

FOCUSING TURN DEMONSTRATION: BIG “FELT SHIFT” IN LIFE-LONG “SCRIPT”

By Kathy McGuire, December 20, 2007 2:37 pm

This was such a paradigmatic example of Gendlin’s Focusing self-help technique (Focusing, Bantam, 1981,1984) and McGuire’s Intuitive Focusing, that I wanted to share it here. It includes Clearing A Space, deeper Focusing, and a huge bodily-felt shift, predicted to cause lasting change in “personality,” in how the person lives from then on.

It also ended up capturing something about this holiday season, the symbol of a young, struggling, “holy” family (Christian or not, it is this symbolism that touches me).

The turn happened on the Creative Edge Practice yahoo group where we are developing a model, a safe place for learning about Listening/Focusing directly in an email group. You can join us! Go to the link to read a description of the group.

In response to my Focusing turn, three different people offered Listening Reflection, each beautifully, empathically “holding and grasping” my message and giving it back to me, enriched by their own being-there in a Listening way. What an educational experience to be able to compare styles of Reflecting!

Here is the complete turn: it started slowly, me thinking only of Clearing a Space, moving into a deep Focusing, huge felt-shifting experience. The kaleidescope turned, and everything is newly in process:

“Okay, I am going to touch base with myself, as this holiday time (for me, my 62nd birthday Dec. 24, then Christmas, Dec. 25, New Years….) by Clearing A Space, just to see what is on my plate. No desperate issue to use Focusing with, but a sense of wanting to “take an inventory,” see what is there (Clearing A Space is Getting A Felt Sense Exercise #3, p.10 in Complete Focusing Instructions download you received, also on CD Intuitive Focusing Training, Track 10. You can find e-newsletters about it at E-newsletter archive, dates 10/12-11/1 ):

Phew!! All that teaching done, now turning toward myself, just beginning to follow my breathing as a way of coming inside my body— big breath, big sigh. Ahhhh!

—Got to slow down, give up “teaching” mind set, take time, take those whole “minutes” for finding the felt sense, not try to do this fast—

—-(long pause for felt sensing) Wow! (almost teary feeling) This holiday is almost here, after all these months of build up, and, if I am not careful, I am going to “miss it,” miss the “holiday” time-off, time for relationships, feeling of it ——

— Moving into a little Focusing here —- I am not really taking a full break —still doing email, blogging, website about three hours a day —what if I took a total break for the week from Christmas to New Years? —– tension in my shoulders — responsibility — also almost teary : “I would miss my email community — they are a large part of my “family” —-

—Many people also experiencing this “holiday,” not wanting a lot of emails — natural slow down?(doing some meridian tapping on sore spots each side of my collar bone: “I carry so much tension, even when I am trying to be on vacation —-TRYING!” (Big sigh, letting go of some tension—)

—Leaving further Focusing on that issue for another time. Back to Clearing A Space (I am looking for the peace, the “Except for all of that, I am completely okay!” experience that can come just with Clearing). (Big breath. Sigh. Releasing some tension). Ahhhh!

—Next issue that arises: Seeing my son, daughter-in-law, new grandson today— almost teary feeling — they are like Mary and Joseph — too young. They have a home, but not much else in the way of security — the world against them, too, in some way, because of their ADHD way of being (more teary here — pausing to sense into this. More of a sad sigh…)— some actual tears now, some relief in that symbolism — that there will be some angels and shepherds and wise men for them, too — some supports —that it is “not just me” trying to hold them up —WOW! That is an insight for me. Not to experience only all the hardship side but to see that there is some world-love, some world-support for them also—-NOT JUST ME (more teary feeling there. I will pause to be with that part — the strain I put on me to “hold them up” —)Big sigh—-

—My son will be at least yelled at at work, if not fired, because people stole something while he was cashier — it wasn’t totally his fault, but he was crying, stressed out, about it — but also angry about being blamed —

—And he is considering joining the military as a way to cope with this young family, all the bills….that is a big “weight” on me (I am drooping under the crush of it) Big Sigh. So, there is that. That is a heavy one — but I am reminded of the “support” symbolism above — the weight of that, the decision, whatever happens, it’s not all on my shoulders (ALL??? REally, in some way, none of it is on my shoulders —tears, sobbing, really, here —- I really cannot “remove this cross” from them. It is theirs to bear, not mine—much more sobbing there, nausea —- I would much rather be able to control it, to take it on, take care of it, make it come out alright —- more sobbing—-

(Had to get up and walk around. There is a huge physical pain shooting all up the sides of my torso, through my spine/ribcage, and sobbing about how I would rather carry it, even if stressful, than acknowledge that I really can’t control it, I can’t fix it— of course, logically, I know this — but THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS LIKE AN EXPERIENTIAL, BODY-KNOWING THAT I CAN’T CONTROL IT. THIS COULD BE A BIG SHIFT, A BIG CHANGE IN MY MAJOR LIFE PATTERN OF TRYING TO CARRY EVERYTHING— so, I am going to breath into this and walk more, let this body-level shift happen more thoroughly—)

—This is big. I can’t even comprehend, really, what would come next as a way-of-being if I put this down, this idea that I am controlling/saving/holding up things, like whether people I love live or die, etc. — I’m thinking “This is what the Freudians mean by ‘secondary gain’ — what is the person gaining by having what looks like an unproductive pattern/behavior?” I’m feeling this experientially, as a body, not just a head, knowing — Big sigh. I need to take more time to “live into” this body-shifting—- Pause again, walking.

— Sitting, just breathing, feeling twinges shooting all through my body, loosenings, stretchings — but also part of me that wants to “crunch back up,” go back to thinking I am controlling things — but, I know that, fortunately, I guess, in real felt-shifting, like this is, there is no going back —-“The kaleidescope turns, and everything is new.” Darn!!! (meridian tapping those sore spots on collarbone again)

— A glimmering: “Well, silly, you weren’t really controlling things before either, with all that stress and tension. YOu just thought you were!!!!!!!”” (something in me starts shuttering here, shaking with fear — this is too scary for that part. I will be with that part now, turning compassionate, nurturing attention to it —–) Pause.

—I’m looking at a poster I have on the wall. It is a big pool of wavy water. Floating in the middle, a mother cradles her child in her hands. There are larger hands cradling those two. And really large hands cradling “all of that.” I want to comfort myself there, convince myself, believe that there are “larger hands” holding it all up:”S/he’s got the whole world in his/her hands,” the song says —- Ahhhh! More pausing to “sit with” all of this — the scared part, the letting go, the hope that there is love/support in this world so harsh for these young parents — some teariness there—Ahhhh!

—still too scary — thinking of my child going off to Afghanistan or Iraq, him thinking he is going to work on computers and come out getting a job for $120,000!!!! Too young. Too innocent to face these huge decisions…but also very stubborn. Very much needing to “do it myself.” And, yes, it is his destiny. I cannot do it for him. It ruins the very “thing,” the “selfhood” for him if I try to decide for him. Sigh….

—I can’t do anymore with this place now. Need it to rest. Trust the continuing bodily shifting. Ahhh!

— Sense that there is this whole “other thing” on my plate. Where I thought I would spend my Focusing time. This whole issue about my work, what new projects I should take on, what leave alone. How be less stressed. I’m not going to go there now. Another time. But I know they are related. Saving my son. Saving the world. It’s all part of that same “life script” :”I can hold it all up. I can change it all. I can save everybody, if I just work hard enough.” Big sigh!!!

I’m stopping here! Another huge post, huge Focusing turn come out of Clearing a Space. I do feel lighter. My spine straighter, my body less hunched over with carrying it all. I am optimistic! I trust this felt-shifting, carrying forward process. I know it is in the “direction of righting,” wholeness.

I do feel finished. I do not need reflection. But, of course, it is always welcome. It is always nice to ALSO be heard, as well as hearing myself. And, of course, this group is a place to practice Reflecting, so I’m game for any person to try it, perhaps with just some small part…or not! It’s vacation!

Warmly, and thanks for Listening, “holding this space.” I would not do this Focusing at all this well or deeply “alone”.

Kathy

—Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

core skills, experiential focusing therapy, health, Intuitive Focusing, self-help skills | existential therapy, experiential focusing therapy, felt shift, Focusing, Gendlin, Holy Family, Intuitive Focusing, self-help skills, spiritual symbolism

INTEREST AREA: Education, Especially For ADHD

By Kathy McGuire, December 19, 2007 10:59 am

Core Concepts

1. Educating for human literacy: “Emotional” and “Social” Intelligence

Specific to the Creative Edge Focusing™ model, the core “human literacy” skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening can be integrated into education along with the traditional literacy of reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Basic to the many aspects of “emotional” and “social” intelligence outlined in Daniel Goleman’s books, Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence, Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, the core of the PRISMSS Problem Solving Process, are two simple, self-help skills that everyone can learn. They translate into every sphere of home and work life, from personal growth and creativity to interpersonal relationship and conflict resolution to collaborative work in groups and teams to problem solving in our local, national, and global communities.

Through The Creative Edge Pyramid of seven applied methods , every student can learn, in about forty hours of instruction and in preschool through post-graduate education, how to:

Create new ideas
Change problem behaviors
Listen to another

Resolve interpersonal conflicts
Start a support group
Build supportive community

Create win/win decisions in groups
Create innovative solutions
Motivate others for collaborative action

Basic philosophy: Each child has a unique inner blueprint. Education serves, not to fill the child with “content,” but to facilitate the unfolding of his or her unique interests and talents and to teach communication, team-work, and creative problem-solving skills.
See also Interest Area: Positive Parenting

2. Creative Edge Education is active, hands-on, always striving to engage The Creative Edge of each child

In Creative Edge Organizations, every worker is engaged at the Creative Edge of their own “intuitive felt sensing,” their specific motivating passion of the moment. So, too, in Creative Edge Education, each student should be actively engaged, actively interested, actively motivated to create out of their own Creative Edge, their own “intuitive sensing.”

In Business Schools, at the undergraduate and graduate level, hiring companies want employees skilled in working in collaborative teams. They have pushed professors from passive lecturing to aiding students to work in groups and teams. Students work on real-life, hands-on projects, including computer-generated business simulation “games” as well as actual business projects.

So, too, in our elementary and secondary education, if we want to educate future workers for creativity and innovation, students need to be taught to be active learners, to be engaged at their Creative Edge, and to work in groups and teams on collaborative, real-life projects. Read More about Focusing in Education.

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, “Don’t Fight ‘Em, Join ‘Em: Community-Wide Intervention for ADHD, School Failure, and Juvenile Delinquency”.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

ADHD, Business, core skills, Creativity, education, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, parenting, self-help skills | , ADHD, creative edge education, Creativity, educating for ADHD, educating for creativity, education, Focusing, fostering creativity, fostering independence, Gendlin, LISTENING, parenting, self-help skills, teaching self-reliance

CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP: CREATING LOVE THROUGH FOCUSING PARTNERSHIPS

By Kathy McGuire, December 14, 2007 2:02 pm

Love Relationships

Perhaps there is no more important place for the use of Empathic Listening and Experiential Focusing skills than in love relationships.

When we “fall in love,” we are drawn to something in the Other that intrigues and fascinates us. Unfortunately, as time goes by, the stresses of day-to-day living and, perhaps, specific areas of conflict with our partner, wear away that romantic, in-love feeling. We can even come to “forget” whatever drew us to this other person in the first place, and our sexual feelings for the other can become submerged as well!!

Exchanging Listening/Focusing Turns with our beloved, significant other can be a way of recovering the feelings of love which initially drew us together. In Listening/Focusing turns, each person can drop the defensive layers that hide the true, inner Self from the other. When that inner Self stands exposed, that vulnerable Inner Child becomes visible, we “fall in love” all over again, remembering who it is that really lives inside of your partner. Then, it becomes much more simple to work out the more superficial, behavior-level problems that irritate or cross us in every day life. Read more about Inner Child Empathy.

Friendships As A Way To Grow

Hopefully, we all have some friends whom we can lean on when things get hard, friends who are good listeners, who just let us have our say and don’t judge or criticize us when we are down. In these times, we don’t really want someone to try to fix us or to give us advice or opinions. We just want them to listen and support us. It is just this non-judgmental listening and total, unconditional acceptance that makes the most solid and fulfilling friendships.

It is just such friends who could form the basis of your own Listening/Focusing Community.

Furthermore, if you have stresses or misunderstandings with any of your friends, you can also use the Listening/Focusing skills to work out these conflicts and end up even closer, using the Interpersonal Focusing method. See Focusing Friendships for more on incorporating Creative Edge Focusing into your friendship network.

From Focusing Class To Focusing Support Group

The other main way of finding a Listening/Focusing Partnership or starting a Listening/Focusing Support Group is to participate in a Listening/Focusing Training Class or Workshop in your area. Then, hopefully, you can carry on in a self-help way with other participants you have met at the workshop, or join an existing Changes Group in your geographical area. Again, go to Free Resources to learn about all the available options. Find additional classes and workshops internationally at www.focusing.org .

Read more about Conscious Relationship, including the First Ten Steps to bring Listening/Focusing into your relationships.

Order our Self-Help Package and join our Creative Edge Practice E-Group for hands-on demonstrations and practice of Listening and Focusing self-help skills.

Subscribe to our Instant “Ahah”s E-Newsletter and immediately download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (Ajas Instantaneos en espanol), ten self-help practices to add to your life at home and work.

Explore using Interpersonal Focusing sessions by phone with Dr. McGuire to practice listening/focusing in sorting through relationship difficulties.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshopsDr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

Classes and Workshops, community building, conflict resolution, core skills, gender, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, relationships, self-help skills, sex, support groups | Conscious Relationship, Empathic Listening, Focusing, friendship, Gendlin, intimacy, love, relationships, self-help skills, support groups

Interest Area: Conscious Relationships

By Kathy McGuire, December 13, 2007 3:05 pm

The Way of Relationship

Intimate relationships can be seen as a spiritual path, The Way of Relationship. Relationships can be a self-therapy. Relationships will point up your “blind spots” or “shadow sides” more effectively (or shall I say more quickly, anyway!) than psychotherapy.

The Way of Relationship can be practiced between lovers. The experiences of empathy which arise during the exchange of Listening/Focusing turns lead to increased emotional and physical intimacy.

The Way of Relationship can also be practiced between friends or in a spiritual or other community. The experiences of empathy, of individual uniqueness as well as common humanity common in Listening/Focusing Exchanges, can be a spiritual experience of the love called Agape, or Buber’s “I-Thou” vs. “I-It” relationship.

Harville Hendrix’ book, Getting The Love You Want, was an early one stating that it’s okay for your relationship to be “therapy.” We are attracted to people who have the capacity to heal us in some way, to move us on our journey toward wholeness. Hendrix calls it The Imago, a kind of template of the kind of person needed for your healing. Ideally, you will find a person enough like your parent to offer the experiences needed healing but also capable of going through this healing journey with you . At www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com , you will find more books and training programs connecting you to a network of people, through Imago Relationships International, who are committed to conscious relationship.

Gay and Kathleen Hendricks’ book, Conscious Loving: The Journey To Co-Commitment, namesthe bedrock of good relationship as complete, absolute, and utter honesty at all times. This book and their many other books and workshops through the Hendricks Institute, www.hendricks.com , give many concrete techniques and practices for conscious relationship.

Although there are many wonderful, established programs for Conscious Relationship such as the two above, Intuitive Focusing, as aided by Focused Listening, is the missing link in almost every program, the one thing that is usually not taught but makes all the difference in terms of whether people actually succeed in the programs or not.

Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, used in Focusing Partnerships and Interpersonal Focusing, are the bedrock self-help skills which provide a way through. They help you to stick with it when buttons get pushed. They tell you how to mine the treasure in “confrontations.” These are really confrontations with your own shadow side– the parts of yourself you can’t see – the positive aspects you devalue as well as negative aspects you do not want to accept.

The goal for everyone is “wholeness,” the integration of positive and negative shadow aspects, and we choose friends and partners who will push us toward wholeness.

Read more about Conscious Relationship, including the First Ten Steps to bring Listening/Focusing into your relationships.

Order our Self-Help Package and join our Creative Edge Practice E-Group for hands-on demonstrations and practice of Listening and Focusing self-help skills.

Explore using Interpersonal Focusing sessions by phone with Dr. McGuire to practice listening/focusing in sorting through relationship difficulties.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

community building, conflict resolution, core skills, gender, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, sex, spirituality | conflict resolution, Conscious Loving, conscious relationships, Focusing, Getting The Love You Want, Hendricks, Hendrix, Interpersonal Focusing, intimacy, LISTENING, relationship help, self-help skills, sexuality

REFLECTIVE LISTENING: WHEN IS A REFLECTION “RIGHT”?

By Kathy McGuire, December 6, 2007 3:01 pm

This is my favorite question ever! What is “right” in terms of a Listening Response, a Reflection? I’d love it if everyone would jump in with their answer to this question, regardless of teaching experience or just experience!

For me, the only “right” that really matters is when the client/Focuser says, “Yes. That is exactly right. That fits” with sighs, tension release, other signs that this is the body’s response: “Yes. That is right. It captures the ‘feel of it all’ completely.”

The point or goal of Focusing Turns, or Focusing-Oriented Therapy (FOT) IS to empower the Focuser to gain confidence and skill in allowing answers and next steps to come from within their own experiencing of their own unique situation.

IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO EMPOWER THE CLIENT TO TRUST THEIR OWN JUDGMENT THAN TO CONVINCE THEM OF SOMETHING THAT MAY BE THEORETICALLY “CORRECT.”

Carl Rogers was so emphatic about this empowering that he would do NOTHING but reflect, not wanting to give the client any temptation to rely upon him as “expert” rather than their own inner experiencing and problem solving.

So, if a reflection/interpretation/evocative technique does not “fit” in the moment, does not touch the Focuser’s present felt experiencing in a way that allows carrying-forward, new next steps from inside, to unfold, draws the Focuser out into discussion, disagreement, or argument with the Listener — then, it is not “right” in this moment — although it may become “right” at a later point when the Focuser has moved forward to a new felt Edge that can take it in in a resonating way—

Most everything else, I guess, is helpful or unhelpful! Helpful can be getting it “wrong” in a way that helps the Focuser say more what “it” is like: “No, it’s not that. It’s more like this—” (This can happen even when the Listener says back exactly the Focuser’s words, seemingly perfectly “right”!).

Helpful is always going back, after any intervention, especially one that seemed “wrong” in terms of getting the Focuser off the track of felt-sensing, into confusion or arguing or theorizing with the Listener instead of continuing to pay attention to finding words or images for, the present “felt sense.”

My articles Caring Confrontation and Focusing Inner Child Work With Abused Clients (free PDF downloads from www.cefocusing.com )trace my attempts to grapple with this issue, of how hard to press, how often to come back to, a “felt experiencing” I have in relation to the client which I think is “Correct” in some way but they say is not “Right.”

This is such a great question, I would invite everyone to jump in with their own answer, their own way of saying what is “right” in terms of a Listening Response.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing

Business, core skills, experiential focusing therapy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills | Active Listening, Carl Rogers, communication skills, Empathic Listening, Eugene Gendlin, experiential focusing therapy, Focused Listening, Focusing, Focusing-Oriented Therapy, Reflective Listening, self-help skills

ESTUDIO DE CASOS Y TESTIMONIOS

By Kathy McGuire, November 29, 2007 1:11 pm

Focusing – Individualmente, con un Entrenador de Borde Creativo o con un Terapeuta de Focusing Experiencial.

Cualquiera que sabe que Focusing Intuitivo es lo básico del Proceso de Solución de Problemas PRISMAS/S, puede usarlo en cualquier momento para dar un nuevo paso seguro, desde la tensión o confusión hasta la solución del problema. Este será un nuevo “¡Ajá!”. Físicamente experimentado en su totalidad por el cuerpo, el cual asiente y relaja la tensión diciendo: “¡Sí, eso es exactamente! “, “¡Ahora puedo actuar!”

En mi ejemplo de abajo, primero uso Focusing Intuitivo por mi cuenta, luego, generalmente, contrato la ayuda de un Escuchador Focalizado, en este caso, mi esposo. Tengo la suerte de tener un esposo entrenado pero con él, me gusta compartir un turno igual de escucha.

Ejemplo del Caso:

Por varias semanas he estado dándole vueltas a un problema relacionado con el trabajo; he estado tensa, bloqueada, con noches sin dormir, obsesiva. Estoy preocupada por que si tomo alguna acción me pueden demandar, pero no quiero echarme para atrás.

He estado dando algunos pasos y gastando dinero tratando de protegerme legalmente. Pero la tensión, el insomnio y la obsesión continúan. Me encuentro a mí misma imaginándome cómo voy a defenderme en la Corte. Avanzo con esfuerzo, pero el costo es muy alto. Todo el proyecto se ha vuelto agotador.

Finalmente, después de semanas me doy cuenta que debo sentarme en silencio y usar Focusing Intuitivo acerca del asunto. Entonces, cierro mis ojos y sigo mi respiración por un momento a manera de relajación para llegar a un “espacio claro” y silencioso adentro— Suspiro…, dejo salir un poco la tensión…me pregunto: “Realmente ¿de qué se trata todo esto?…” Espero silenciosamente que algo nuevo aparezca…, un sentir intuitivo… o un Borde Creativo…para mí…, este Borde Creativo generalmente viene no a mi cabeza sino al centro de mi cuerpo…, alrededor de mi corazón…, a la cavidad del pecho…

Cuando viene un “sentir intuitivo” busco silenciosamente unas palabras o una imagen que comiencen a asirlo. “No quiero dar mi brazo a torcer…”, “No quiero ser derrotada…” (Hay un sentimiento con lágrimas aquí) “Tengo el derecho de hacerlo…” Respiro un poco más, revisando estas palabras frente a este “sentir intuitivo”…suspiro…dejo salir un poco de tensión.

En respuesta a estas palabras, viene un nuevo “sentir intuitivo” al centro de mi cuerpo, cerca del área del pecho…le presto atención, buscando palabras o una imagen que pudiera capturarlo…No puedo seguir así. Es demasiada tensión…Me siento en silencio manteniendo estas palabras frente al Borde Creativo, el “sentir intuitivo…”

Al usar el Paso de Preguntar de Focusing Intuitivo, se me viene la pregunta: “¿Qué puedo hacer para hacer que esto tenga menos tensión…?”…Permanezco con esta pregunta, prestándole atención al centro de mi cuerpo… y en lugar de contestar desde mi cabeza…, desde lo ya conocido…, espero que se forme un “sentir intuitivo” de una respuesta…Cuidadosamente busco palabras o imágenes que capturen el sentir intuitivo…suspiro, relajando la tensión.

En respuesta, consigo unas palabras, las cuales se sienten como un nuevo”Ajá” “¡Oh!, se trata de esta pequeña parte del proyecto…No tengo que renunciar a todo lo demás…, tal vez solamente a esa pequeña parte para reducir la tensión…

Reviso estas palabras frente al “sentir intuitivo”… Sí, ¡hay una relajación allí!

Estoy sacudiendo mi cabeza: “¡Sí!, ¡eso es!”… “¡eso relajaría la tensión!”, “¡el miedo!…”

Me siento emocionada aquí. Es difícil concentrarse. Quiero levantarme y caminar ansiosamente… ¡no puedo hacer Focusing por mucho tiempo! Le pregunto a mi esposo que está entrenado en Escucha Focalizada si él estaría disponible; sí, él será mi Escuchador Focalizado mientras yo continúo este proceso de Focusing Intuitivo. Nos tomará de 10 a 20 minutos. ¡A él le gusta hacerlo!…

Cierro los ojos y permanezco en este nuevo lugar, “Es solamente acerca de este pequeño lugar…” suspiro relajando la tensión…

Mi esposo refleja: “Así que es realmente sólo esta pequeña parte que tienes que cambiar. No tienes que dejar todo…sólo esa parte…”

Estoy asintiendo otra vez, todo mi cuerpo dice: “¡Sí!, puedo hacer eso realmente…,” “sí…, me libraré de ese miedo, esa tensión agotadora!…” Continúo revisando esa posible solución frente al “sentir intuitivo” y todo mi cuerpo sigue diciendo, “Sí, todo eso está bien conmigo. Puedo hacerlo sin sentirme derrotada”.

Mi esposo refleja: “Así que estás revisando y todo tu cuerpo te dice: “Sí eso podría estar bien”…. “Puedo hacer eso sin sentirme derrotada”. Sigo asintiendo, “Sí, eso podría estar bien…” suspiro…, relajando la tensión…

Seguimos por un rato, yo ahora en la modalidad de resolver problemas, intentando posibles opciones nuevas y diferentes; continúo revisando con el “sentir intuitivo”, El Borde Creativo: “¿Está esto realmente bien?”… “¿Seré capaz de dormir en la noche si hago esto?…” Mi esposo continúa usando Escucha Focalizada para reflejar lo que yo digo,…dejándome revisar y aclarar…

Finalmente decido mantener esa pequeña parte ahora, siempre y cuando me prepare a mí misma para dejarla si es que tengo la necesidad de hacerlo....Esto parece ser una buena solución (Estoy moviendo la cabeza asintiendo y suspirando, relajando la tensión, es la manera que tiene mi cuerpo de decir: “¡Sí!, ¡esto realmente encajó…!” “… ¡Tú puedes hacer esto realmente…!” Seguidamente, terminamos el turno de Escucha/Focusing de manera formal.

En los próximos días, tengo menos tensión. En las noches siguientes puedo dormir, surgen nuevas ideas, alternativas para reemplazar esa pequeña parte, etc. Tengo nueva energía para seguir adelante con todo el proyecto. La posibilidad de “pequeños cambios” me da también la oportunidad de permitir que entren otras personas en mi proyecto sin que me asalte toda esa ansiedad y miedo que me han mantenido aislada, incapaz de compartir mis ideas con otras personas.

Si su meta es solamente utilizar Focusing para Ud. mismo, puede tomar una clase o un taller de entrenamiento en Focusing de un profesional de Focusing que Ud. puede encontrar en nuestra sección de Recursos Gratis.

Si desea ayuda de Escucha Focalizada de manera consistente y sin tener que devolver el servicio como Escuchador (que es lo que sucede en las Parejas de Focusing como mencionamos mas abajo), entonces Ud. puede contratar un Entrenador de Focusing de Borde Creativo o un Terapeuta de Focusing Experiencial (Ver listados en la sección de Recursos Gratis).

Si Ud. ya tiene una relación de Entrenamiento, puede concertar una cita para Escucha Focalizada por teléfono; a menudo, podría ya comenzar a Focalizar simplemente escribiendo un correo a su Entrenador expresándole acerca de su asunto o preocupación, poniendo atención a su interior, usando respuestas de Focusing Intuitivo. El Entrenador puede enviarle un correo de vuelta con respuestas de Escucha Focalizada. ¡De esta manera Ud. recibe ayuda instantánea a mitad de precio!

Este material es ofrecido solamente como destrezas de autoayuda. Al proveerlos, la Dra. McGuire no se compromete en rendir servicios psicológicos, financieros, legales u otros servicios profesionales. Si se necesita la asistencia de un experto o de un consejero, se debe buscar los servicios de un profesional competente.

TESTIMONIO

“Siempre que hago Focusing, estoy sorprendida de ver cuán rápido surge el asunto, y cómo, con la ayuda de un Escuchador, hay una transformación que va desde la confusión hacia la comprensión y finalmente la solución.”

( Profesional asociado con una organización sin fines de lucro).

Translation by Agnes Rodriguez, Certified Focusing Professional and Creative Edge Associate offering Listening and Focusing training by phone in English and Spanish. See Agnes Rodriguez.

See also The Focusing Institute for articles in Spanish by Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing, and Spanish-speaking Focusing Teachers world-wide.

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

Business, core skills, health, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, spanish translations | Focused Listening, Focusing, Focusing en espanol, Gendlin, Intuitive Focusing, peer counseling, problem solving, self-help, stress reduction

FOCUSING AND WORK: STRESS REDUCTION = FINDING WORDS

By Kathy McGuire, November 27, 2007 7:25 pm

In the example below, taken from the Case Studies area at Creative Edge Focusing (TM), the Focuser goes from unspecified, work-related anxiety and sleeplessness to being able to name the problem and begin problem solving, using Intuitive Focusing:

1. Focusing — Alone Or With A Creative Edge Coach or Experiential Focusing Therapist

Anyone who knows Intuitive Focusing, as the core of the PRISMS/S Problem Solving Process, can use it any time to go from confusion and tension to an absolute sureness of a next step of problem resolution. This will be a physically experienced “Ahah!”, indicated by the whole body nodding and releasing tension, saying “Yes, this is exactly it! I can act now.”

In my example below, first I use Intuitive Focusing on my own, then, at a certain point, I contract for Focused Listening help from another, my husband in this case. I’m lucky enough to have a trained husband (I trained him!), but, with him, eventually I will want to give equal time:

Case Example:

For several weeks I have been stewing about a work-related problem, stymied, tense, sleepless nights, obsessing. I am concerned that I might be sued if I take a certain action, yet I don’t want to back down. I have even taken steps and spent money to try to protect myself legally. Yet the tension, sleeplessness, obsessing continue. I find myself imagining how I would defend myself in court. I forge ahead, but the emotional cost is very high. The whole project has become draining.

Finally, after weeks, I have the sense to sit down quietly and actively use Intuitive Focusing on the issue. I close my eyes and follow my breathing for a while as a way of relaxing and coming to a quiet, “clear space” inside……I sigh, let go of some tension…..I ask myself, “What is this all about, really?”….I wait quietly for something new, an “intuitive feel” or Creative Edge to come…for me, this Creative Edge usually comes in the center of my body (not my head!), around my heart, chest cavity…..

When an “intuitive feel” comes, I quietly look for some words or an image which begin to grasp it: “I don’t want to give up….I don’t want to be beaten (there is a teary feeling here)….I have a right to do this”…..I breath some more, checking these words against the “intuitive feel”……I sigh, release some tension……

A new “intuitive feel” comes in the center of my body, around the chest area, in response to these words….I pay attention to it, looking for words or an image that might capture it…….”I can’t go on like this. It is too stressful….”….I sit quietly, holding these words against The Creative Edge, the “intuitive feel”…..

I use the Asking Step of Intuitive Focusing and a question comes: “What can I do to make this less stressful?”….I sit with this question, paying attention in the center of my body…instead of answering from my head, the already-known, I wait for an “intuitive feel” of an answer to form …….I carefully look for words or images to capture the intuitive feel……..I sigh, releasing tension…

I get words in answer which feel like a new “Ahah!”: “Oh, it’s really just about this one small part of the project…….I don’t have to give up everything else, but maybe just that one small part, to reduce the tension”….I check these words against the “intuitive feel”….there is an easing there. I am nodding my head: “Yes, that is really it…That would release the tension, the fear…..”

I get sort of excited here. It’s hard to concentrate. I want to get up and walk anxiously around….I’m not good at doing Focusing alone for very long. I ask my husband, who is trained in Focused Listening and available, if he will be a Focused Listener while I continue this Intuitive Focusing process. It will take 10-20 minutes. He is willing to do this……

I close my eyes and sense into this new place, “It’s really only about this small part”…..I sigh, releasing tension….My husband reflects: “So it’s really only that small part you have to change. You don’t have to give up the whole thing….Just that part.”……

I’m nodding again, my whole body saying, “Yes, I can really do that if it will get rid of this fear, this draining tension”…..I continue checking this possible solution against the “intuitive feel,” and my whole body keeps saying, “Yes, that much is okay with me. I can do that without feeling beaten.” My husband reflects, “So you are checking, and your whole body says, ‘Yes, that would be okay. I could do that…without feeling beaten’”…….I keep nodding, “Yes, that would be okay.”…I sigh, releasing tension….

We go on for a while, me in problem solving mode now, trying out possible different new choices, continuing to check with the “intuitive feel,” The Creative Edge: “Is this really okay?…Will I be able to sleep at night if I do this?” My husband continues using Focused Listening to reflect what I say, letting me check and clarify….

I finally decide a way that I can keep even that small part now, as long as I prepare myself to give it up later if I have to ……..This seems a good solution (I’m nodding and sighing, releasing tension, my body’s way of saying, “Yes, this really fits. You can really do this.”). We end the formal Listening/Focusing turn.

Throughout the next few days, I have less tension. I can sleep at night. New ideas keep popping up: possible replacements for that “one small part,” etc. I have new energy to move ahead with the whole project. This “small change” possibility also gives me a way to let other people in on my project, without raising the whole anxiety and fear issue, which had been keeping me isolated, unable to share my ideas with other people.

If your goal is only to use Focusing by yourself, you can take a Focusing Training class or workshop from a Focusing Professional found in our Free Resources section.

If you want consistent Focused Listening help, without reciprocating as a Listener in a Focusing Partnership as below, then you can hire a Creative Edge Focusing Coach or an Experiential Focusing Therapist (See Listings in Free Resources Section) as a consistent Focused Listener.

If you have a Coaching relationship, you can arrange for Focused Listening by phone, but you can often start Focusing simply by starting to write an email to your Coach on the issue or concern, paying attention inside, using Intuitive Focusing…then, the Coach can send an email back, with Focused Listening responses. This will give you instant help at half the cost!

Email Dr. McGuire to explore Focusing Coaching or Focusing Partnership phone sessions or to set up a free 20-minute Trial Session. You can explore options and prices in The Store

See our website for many descriptions and exercises for learning Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, to subscribe to our free e-course/e-newsletter, and to join our online Creative Edge Practice yahoo group for free, supervised practice of actual listening/focusing skills.

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

Business, core skills, Creativity, health, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills | creative problem solving, Focused Listening, Intuitive Focusing, online Focusing Course, self-help skills, stress reduction

FOCUSING AND MEDICAL SYMPTOMS: MIGRAINE

By Kathy McGuire, November 26, 2007 7:13 pm

MEDICAL CHANGE EVENT: FROM MIGRAINE TO TEARS OF MEANING

While Instant “Ahah!” # 4, Five-Minute Grieving, specifically addresses what to do if a patient, friend, or co-worker begins to cry, the excerpt below shows how using Intuitive Focusing to “sit with” the “intuitive feel” of a physical symptom can allow that symptom to open into an “Ahah!” of deeper meanings, with a sheen of tears in the eye often the body’s signpost of a place to stop and go deeper into “the feel of the whole thing.”

The excerpt is a tiny portion of a Focusing Partnership session. The Focuser is experienced in using Intuitive Focusing. Early on, as the Focuser talks about waking with the beginnings of a migraine headache and related issues, the Listener notices a faint “shimmer of tears.”

She suggests that the Focuser stop and “sense into” the place of tears. By the end of the session, the Focuser has moved through deep sobbing about the heavy burden of depression she has carried “for soooo long” and experiences the liveliness of a “felt shift,” “being lighter, wanting to dance!” She states that the migraine has abated.

The session begins with Focuser and Listener in chairs facing each other. The Focuser, because of her comfort with the Experiential Focusing process from past practice, chose to keep her eyes closed throughout the session, attending to her inner experiencing. The Listener, Dr. McGuire, begins:

Listener: “So, just feel comfortable closing your eyes and going inside, coming in tune with whatever is there—Let me know if you need some help or when you’re ready to begin speaking—

Focuser: (10 second pause)—“—This morning when I awakened, I had a headache on the left side of my head, and I thought, ‘Oh, it’s migraine coming on’— so I’m just sensing into what that was about, um, like, my body was really full of toxins, like I just wanted to kind of shake the toxins out.”

Listener: “So, even on waking, you noticed there was the beginning of a headache on the left side of your head, and you spent some time with it, just sensing into it, and the feeling was of toxins in your body, and you just wanted to shake them out, shake them out.”

Focuser: (30 second pause) ——- “And I notice that my throat is stopped up this morning, and that’s something I’ve been working on, we’ve been working on together—something deep emotional there in my throat, getting kind of choked up.”

[The Focuser is doing the first step of Experiential Focusing, “clearing a space,” noticing and naming the various issues she is carrying so she can choose one to work on]

Listener: “Yea, so you’re aware of that now, too, your throat getting choked up, and that’s something we’ve worked on before, and it’s connected to deep emotional things—and it seemed like I even saw a shimmer of tears as you described that—maybe just be with that, sit with that ‘choked up.'”

[The Listener notices the beginnings of tears and gives an Experiential Focusing Instruction, suggesting that the Focuser stop talking and pay attention to the “felt sense.”]

Focuser: (tears visible under closed eyelids, face reddening, voice thickening) “What bothers me about it is I keep trying to clear my throat, and it doesn’t clear. I keep trying to clear it, and it prevents me from speaking the way I want to speak, and it’s annoying to people, I think.”

Listener: “Uhhuh.”

Focuser: “It somehow prevents me from projecting my voice—”

Listener: “Umhm.”

Focuser: “I keep trying to get it out, and it just stays there, it’s uh—”

Listener: “Umhm—so what bothers you is you keep trying to clear it out, and it won’t go, and you also think it makes it difficult for other people. You want to project your voice and get it out, and that’s hard for the other people, too, you can’t really speak.”

Focuser: “That really prevents communication.”

You can read the entire excerpt, with commentary, and see the “felt shift” for yourself in Medical Change Events Through Experiential Focusing. You can view the entire 12-minute session in the DVD Listening/Focusing Demonstrations, also part of The Self-Help Package. Download “Being Touched and Being Moved: The Spiritual Value of Tears for many examples of how tears and Focusing interrelate.
Download “Finding The Meaning In Tears” for exercises for using Focusing to find the meaning in your tears. Both articles are packed with real-life examples of how tears “touch us” and “move us” in positive ways.

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

core skills, experiential focusing therapy, health, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills | Empathic Listening, Intuitive Focusing, medical symptoms, migraine relief, self-help

TELE-CLASSES IN LISTENING AND FOCUSING

By Kathy McGuire, November 24, 2007 3:13 pm

With Ruth Hirsch, Creative Edge Associate and Certified Focusing Professional and Coordinator:

FROM THE BODY COMES OUR NEXT MOVES
A quote from Eugene Gendlin

“The body is not just a pipeline for incoming sensory data.
It’s not a safe deposit box where you put something in
and expect to get the same thing out. There’s something more. The body can imply something new-a right next step.
It’s more like you put a worm into a cocoon and get a butterfly back.”

And another from former UN Secretary-General, Dag Hammarskjold:
“The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you,
the better you will hear what is happening outside of you.”

Level 2: Advanced Listening & Beginning Guiding (Facilitation)
3 Mondays, Dec. 10, 17, and January 7, 10 AM – 1 PM EST

Here’s an opportunity to make time for yourself during what can often be a near overwhelming pre-holiday season and to continue your focusing training at the same time! In this course, participants will enhance their own focusing skills, and will learn advanced empathic listening (reflection) techniques as well as a few important guiding (facilitation) techniques that can be helpful in deepening the Focuser’s ability to stay with what is there for them.

The essence of the course is learning to be an increasingly facilitative companion to the Focusing process for yourself and for others. Level One Focusing training with a Certified Focusing Trainer is a prerequisite for this course.

Level 1: Focusing Basics: Self Guiding, and Empathic Listening
4 Sundays, January 6, 13, 20, 27, 10 AM -12:30 PM EST

This is a great opportunity to begin to learn how to Focus alone and with a partner, as well as how to facilitate focusing for another focuser through Listening- and to reap the benefits of enhanced relationships, stress reduction, ease of decision making, and much more! All this from the comfort and safety of your own home or office.

The only pre-requisite for this course is to have a Focusing session facilitated by a Certified Focusing Trainer. I am offering sessions by phone, toll-free for residents of the US, Canada, Ireland, UK, Italy, Spain, and France.

About the Trainer: Ruth Hirsch is a Certified Focusing trainer, bodyworker, and consultant based in Jerusalem, Israel. For the past 18 years she has maintained a private practice in which she works with people individually, and in groups. She is in her 13th year of teaching Focusing. In her individual work, she specializes in balancing and bringing peace, comfort, and insight to body, mind, heart and spirit. In her teaching, she delights in sharing Focusing with others as an individual life-enhancing practice, and as an adjunct to enhance the work of other healing professions.

General Info: Both courses are limited to a maximum of 6 participants each. The trainings are largely experiential, and are taught in a clear, compassionate, enjoyable manner. Registration fees include the course, unlimited questions between sessions (to be answered via email or at the next class session), and a manual specific to each level. The fee for each level is $250, payable by credit card, or US check. (Space permitting, those who have already taken the course and would like to review the level may do so for half price.) The course will be taught via a Conference line to a US number which will be provided before the class.

VERY IMPORTANT: To register, or for any questions, comments, or to just say hello, please contact Ruth directly .

If these dates and/or times (for either course) do not work for you, please let me know what would work so that your needs might be considered in future scheduling :).

—
Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH, CMT
Focusing Trainer & Certifying Coordinator

We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don’t make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace.
Dalai Lama

Posted for Ruth Hirsch by

Dr. Kathy McGuire