COLLABORATIVE EDGE SEXUALITY
INCREASING INTIMACY AND NOVELTY WITH SEX GAMES
Please check the archive Category: Sex to catch up on some ground rules and previous suggestions for collaborative edge sexuality, untangling desire, negotiating as equals for mutual satisfaction.
Now, let’s say you are aiming at three dates/week. Perhaps once or twice a month, hopefully you can set aside a longer time, free of children and interruptions, to luxuriate in even more novelty and intimacy.
Sex-y board games, bought at a sex store or, I imagine, online, are one way to “do something different.” The good ones introduce the surprise of novelty, but they also include great “foreplay,” actual question-and-answer games which increase communication and intimacy.
Inexpensive: You can buy “Coupon books” for a few dollars, with coupons your lover can exchange for a massage, a strip tease, a videotaping opportunity, etc., etc.
Medium: The Sex Game
You get a fold-out board which is basically a house plan, with squares labelled Garage, stairwell, front door, living room, bedroom, back door, laundry room, hall, bathroom, kitchen…well, you get the idea. That is novelty.
Then, there is a six-sided die, with the following labels: Solo, 69,Extras, Oral, Massage, Fondle. Then one person rolls a die, asks more specifically if the other would perform a specified act in a certain way, and, within two minutes, receives whatever comes up in the room the die landed on…
More expensive( $25-55) : ForePlay: A Game For Lovers
This is a good example of a sex-y boardgame. There are pieces to move around a board to a goal by rolling dice. When landing on a space, a player draws either a “Key” card or a “Heart” card.
Key cards consist of questions that each lover will answer, just great questions to increase communication and intimacy: “What was your first sexual experience?”,”How would you like to spend a dream weekend?”, “What stategies do you use to overcome jealousy?”, “Are you proud of your partner? Explain how.” You will find yourselves considering and answering questions about each other that have never come up before.
Heart cards are about carrying out specific sexual activities, from “Sit and stare into each others eyes for 5 minutes” to “Massage your lovers feet” to — well, most anything you can imagine. Each lover simply collects Heart cards.
At the end of the game, the winner gets to arrange their Heart cards in the order they would like their lover to carry them out.
Well, since we are talking about equality and collaboration, it certainly would be allowed to then switch roles, and even let the loser have their Heart’s desire.
Three more interesting board games :
Kamasutra: A Game for Lovers on Their Journey to Ecstasy.
In this one, instead of saving “Action Cards” until the end, each space on the game board describes actions to be taken, and cards drawn include more intimate and sexy actions to take, including Position cards –these are saved until the end… Anyone has the right of refusal or renegotiation.
A Lover’s Touch: A Romance Game For Your Body, Mind, Spirit
Much the same as Kamasutra.
Wildly Sexy Dares: The Game of Naughty Adventures For Couples Who Think They’ve Done It All
I’d say this is a game for the more Extroverted among us! Competition is the name of the game, with Daring Adventures carried out throughout the week and throughout the world — in restaurants, stores, at friends’ houses, at the movies.
Players accumulate cards, some to be carried out immediately (each player draws as many stick figures of a couple in different sexual positions as they can– Points to the winner; go through magazines and make a sexy collage, using as many first letters in the alphabet as you can)and some throughout the week (in a restaurant, spill water in your partner’s crotch and then wipe it up; hide a sexy photo of yourself in your partner’s briefcase). Competition and points gathered for a Grand Prize (like a weekend away).
Remember, the every-day ground work for Intimacy/ Sensuality/ Sexuality is laid in the use of the many Listening/Focusing tactics included in the Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (“Ajas Instantaneos” in the Spanish translation) available from Creative Edge Focusing (TM).
You get that as a free download for subscribing to our e-newsletter at www.cefocusing.com , in the sidebar. Or, you can just look it up under Articles in the Free Resources section!
I especially recommend, daily, “Ahah!” #8. Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy ; “Ahah!” #3. Passive Listening: Stop Arguments with partners, children, coworkers; “Ahah! #2. Active Listening: Short-circuit angry confrontations.
And, I hope you will choose to learn our core self-help skills, Intuitive Focusing at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a1.php and Focused Listening at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a2.php and, perhaps, decide to start your own Listening/Focusing Practice and Support Group using our Self-Help Package (http://www.cefocusing.com/services/5b1.php or to take a class or workshop to learn the Focusing Partnership method (http://www.cefocusing.com/services/5b2.php
Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops
Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director
The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way
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Themocracy
[…] Setting Up “Dates” To Insure Opportunity Instant “Ahah!” # 8: “Sharing Your Day” (link to blog with exercise) will increase intimacy, sensuality, the desire for sexual closeness. However, even in the best of relationships, keeping sexuality alive seems to be aided by “making dates,” setting up specific times as protected space for sexual intimacy. Remember, within a set up time, you can be as spontaneous as you want. Some people may find a certain routine creates a ritual “Sacred Space,” for others it may be important that “anything can happen.” However, once the early romance is over, and especially when jobs and children and chores and TV can gobble up all available time, it is important to set up “dates” (just like when you were first getting to know each other) which guarantee an opportunity for sexual intimacy to arise. The longer couples go without having sex, the harder it can become to bridge that gap. And having sex really does increase intimacy for some people, rather than the other way around (increased intimacy increasing sexual desire). So, many couples find that aiming for two to three sexual encounters per week, along with daily”Sharing Your Day,” can be optimum for keeping the sexual channel open in the midst of busy lives. Even including lighting candles, starting music, doing massage to increase sensuality, 45 minutes to an hour can be plenty of time for a wonderful sexual encounter. In the beginning, it may be important to allow more time to take away pressure. But having a wonderful, memorable “date” takes little enough time that couples can make a commitment to fit that time into their schedules. Erotic Equality: Untangling Sexual Desire So, one partner might say, “Two to three times a week! But I hardly ever feel like having sex!” and the other might say, “Two or three times a week! That is nowhere near enough times to meet my need!” And upon this difference in sexual desire many relationships have foundered. Here are some possible solutions. They are based in the ideas of equality and negotiation basic to the entire Creative Edge Focusing model. However, for some people, they may break sexual taboos, so, if you are uncomfortable with these suggestions, feel free to stop reading! These are all links to Dr. McGuire’s blogs: Erotic Massage To Increase Desire Self-Satisfaction To Equalize Desire Learning Self-Satisfaction Se… […]